Overcoming The Odds... ...

GMSS Live! Op (5-7jan)

2011-01-09T23:09:00.002+08:00

For GMSS Live! Op,we did make a difference and leave a legacy behind.I did made a difference in them,but I have no idea how long will it last.I feel that I could have done better for debrief,remembering of all their names and also the building of rapports with them.And perhaps I should not have been that harsh with them at certain point of times.My only purpose of what I did in the camp,is to make a difference in them,and also to bring out the best in each and every single one of them.However,I am sure that they did learnt and benefited from the camp.From the moment I saw their rehearsal for CO night,I could sense that change and growth in them.After seeing their performance during CO night,I had that urge to knock it down 20,just for them.They are really awesome.As their teachers were still there during night debrief,we PM did not open up till the last day.After they were dismissed for wash up and bed,I spoke to a few of them and asked them,so far,what they feel about the camp and do they hate me for being harsh on them.They did enjoy themselves during the camp.They also told me that they don't hate me for that.They understand that,what I did was for their own good.On the last day,before we break camp,I told Tricia and Shariff about it.They told me that they'll do it together with me.After we open up to them and talked to them about it,I did told them that we PM will knock it down 20,just for them.As we were getting into pumping position,one of them said "one for all,all for one" and they too,went into pumping position and knock it down 20 with us.I am proud of you all,class Faith2-3.You all are awesome.

I am looking forward to coaching the next camp and also the booster session with GMSS.

The Black! Edition norMADic Race (16-20Dec)

2011-01-09T21:57:00.002+08:00

Hi everyone,it have been ages since I last updated this blog.

I went for the black! edition norMADic race from 16-20Dec.It was the coaches norMADic race,which happened to be the toughest among the series of training for coaches.This is something that's really worth going for.In teams of 6,we had to go to designated locations,limited by 2 bus ride and 2 train ride.We are to spend the nights at national parks.So,it's somewhat similar to amazing race.

A lot of things happened during the race.There are good and bad things.However,till now I don't regret at all,going for this training.I really did stretched and also learnt from the race.

At the start of each day during the race,I told myself,'I must be better than yesterday'.But at times,I just did not do it.These became other part of my regrets.on day4,team firework helped us to look after our stuffs and also assisted us in our 'find me',before we meet them,I encouraged everyone to keep going.At the same time,I am also telling myself not to stop.

As we were running from locations to locations,my ankle hurts.I told myself to stretch and keep going;hang in there and don't stop;only a few more to go;if I stop,it'll not only affect our team,it'll also affect firework.That's definitely something that I don't want.During the race,I was rather emotional and teared at times.

I wanna thank all my teammates and also team firework for all the help.I also want to thank Sophie.Thank you for going to the extra miles for this race.Thank you for taking care of me when I am unwell.Thank you for everything you have done.To me,you are not just awesome,you are more than just awesome.

My mother is not supportive of me going for the race and becoming a camp coach in the first place.As such,I did not tell her much about the things that happened during the race.

Looking Forward...

2010-12-06T14:02:00.004+08:00

Time really flies.It's already december.It have been almost a year since the surgery. So far, me health is still alright. But in my own perspective of my fitness, I need to do a bit more trainings to get fitter.

Pretty soon,I'll be going for the briefings and trainings for camp coach. After that I'll be able to coach camps. It has been something that I have been looking forward to. :D

Meantime,I am also looking forward to more catching up and have fun hanging out together with my dear friends and also more of AV group activities at Sagaramudra. =)

While all these things are on-going with some plans here and there. I am also trying to arrange my schedule for time to shop for my essentials and stuffs, with a list of things to do and buy. I better watch my spending before I go broke.LOL...

Domestic... ...

2010-11-23T23:13:00.003+08:00

I seriously wondered what got into them. Why quarrel over such issues? When you all quarrel, I'm the one being sandwiched in between. This is never a nice position to be in alright?!?!

When my grandmother and my brother quarreled, my grandmother refused to talked to him directly,kept asking me to pass her message to him,message like asking him to eat dinner and so on. Beside this, as and when she just keep asking me what's he doing. =.= She's the one whom spoiled him and causing him to became the way he is right now, and now, she's angry with him. This have already been going on for a few days, how long do you all want this to carry on?

Another thing that happened is that my mother quarreled with my grandmother. I don't know what exactly happened but I do know that it's because of some issues of my brother. Some time ago I already noticed the unusual in her. For some very minor matter, she just flew into raged. I don't see the need of her to be so angry till such an extent over minor matter. This condition seems to be getting worse. Her behavior and everything, her attitude,her actions, don't seem to be herself lately. She seems to be getting a little more and more unusual.

Now I only hopped that there would be a change for the better. However, at the same time I'm also feeling rather vexed, how do I go about solving all these?

Pissed Off :(

2010-11-17T00:23:00.004+08:00

The very sunday after the O Level, I started working.On monday, I met the new part time staff. Her outfit I don't care, but her interference in the way I do my work and telling me to this and that really pissed me off. On monday, she did it to me. On tuesday, she did it to me again!!!

Everyone have their own way of doing things, including me and her. She does things her way and I do things my way. Why must she interfere my way of doing things? When I am doing things,she keep telling me, "hey,you like that later....." WTH!! She keep on telling me this and that,as if it was the first time I am working there when she obviously knew that it's not. Worst still,telling me to help her clear the trash in the bin so that she don't need to do it,when it's part of her job. The stupid reason,or rather crap/nonsense to me that she gave me, is because in the morning it's sunny. Seriously what kind of stupid reason is this? I think, the reason behind it is more of she just does not want to ruin her make up. Besides these, she always left the bin open and the cover of it hanging. Does she even know what's hygiene?

She did these to me as if it's the first time I am working there and as if she's the manager or what! Come on! I have been working there way long before she even start working there! Who is she to tell me this and that and clear the trash for her?!?!? So what if I have not been working there for a period of time?!SO WHAT?!?!?! This does not mean that I have forgotten clean about the job there. The only thing that I have forgotten is the use of cash machine and making of certain drinks. Now I have already re-mastered the use of the machine and also learning the making of drinks. The manager also did not mentioned a thing or interfere in the way I do things!Who is she to do that!?!?! If she's really that scared of the sun then don't even step out of the house!!! Just before she knock off,she told me that she's tired and going home to sleep. She tell me this for what? I am not interested at all what she's gonna do after work, neither do I wanna know.

On the spot when I kept quiet does not mean I am scared of you or whatsoever. It also does not mean that you can do whatever you like,manipulate me or bully me. I am just playing along and entertaining you!!! You have already made me very pissed off!!! Just one more time, I will retaliate!!!

This better don't continue for a long time,if not, conflicts are bound to happen.

2010-11-08T10:43:00.002+08:00

What the hell must this happen to me during my Social Studies paper today man! Half way through the paper I got stomach ache and also felt nauseous.Then I went to toilet 2times,spent like 20minutes inside the toilet. In the end,I did not manage to finish the paper and 20plus mark gone.This is seriously the worst to happen during an exam.

The remaining paper is Chinese on wednesday and Science(mcq) on friday.I still hope that things will become smoother for me... ...

Why only yesterday night then I realised it.If i realised earlier that she have gave up on herself.I might be able to talk her out of it and things may have turn out differently.I really don't understand why she have this kind of mindset/attitude.I won't name that person here,neither am I trying to fault anyone here.Somehow I just felt guilty about it.I just felt guilty not able to realised that earlier and talk her out of it.I care about my friends and want them to do well. When I can't talk her out of it,I feel guilty.

I have also realised that I also have another friend who is rather pessimistic.I shall think about how I can change that in her.

O Level 2010... ...

2010-11-01T16:07:00.002+08:00

The English, EMaths, AMaths and most of Science papers are over.The remaining papers are Geography, Social Studies, Chinese and Science(mcq).

The English papers was still alright,just that I could not fit in all the 17points that I found into the summary. For EMaths and AMaths, I made stupid mistakes. But in general, I think I did better for EMaths than AMaths. For Science, I was no careful enough to read the question properly and screwed up the practical. As for the Chemistry paper, it was still alright. Today was the Physics paper.I did not managed to complete the whole paper. When I stared to do section B of the paper,I had only 20minutes left.There are a few questions that I did not managed to do. But,the worst thing that happened was that I forgotten about the mega and milli thingy. How could I!!I think I messed up today's physics paper. Now my only hope to pull up the grade for Science is the mcq papers. Will I be able to do it??

Things have not really been going smoothly for me... ...
Tomorrow is the Geography paper,followed by Social Studies, Chinese and Science(mcq) papers next week. The chance of me getting my desired grades seems to be decreasing bits by bits. Will I be able to get my desired grades???

The pressure is there... ...

Solutions???

2010-09-15T21:39:00.006+08:00

I kept on logging in and out of my blog today and finally decided to type out this blog.

I did not do well for today's practical.I flunked it.At the end of it,I sort of find the questions quite irritating,as in the way they phrase it.For both physics and chemistry,I read like 3 to 5 times then I sort of understand what the questions are trying to ask,but not very sure if I'm right.Eventually I still did not manage to finish the whole thing.When I was about to do the last question,the time is up.After today's paper,all the stress is approaching me again.Today's afternoon is still not too bad,but as the time passes by,it's creeping up on me,increasing bit by bit.Somehow,from the things I did over the past few days till now,I can just sense that my mind/heart or rather me,is trying to run away from all these stuffs.By doing any other things except to work on the results.Or worse still,can't even get myself started on it at times.Many of you most probably are thinking or rather assuming,that I'm working very hard,spending a lot of time to work on the results.In actual fact,it's otherwise.

If at the end of it,my result really sucks and get me into deep trouble.It'll be my own fault,because I'm running away from it.

Today I also realised that,besides getting irritated easily and emotional,mood swings seems to be on it's way too.It just goes on and off.Now,I'm worrying that it might affect my performance for the remaining papers.
I know that,I sound or rather I am,being pessimistic here.At first I thought I have already snapped out of it,not being pessimistic.However,looks like I have not.
Why is this happening to me?Why can't I just snap out of it?

2010-09-14T12:06:00.003+08:00

Yesterday sat for the geography paper and chinese paper2 for prelim.Today is emaths paper2.

I screwed up yesterday's papers.For geography,I did not manage to finish the paper.I was stuck at the last 3 question.My answer for that question was only half.Then i went on to the next question.When i was writing the third last paragraph for this question,the time was up.After this question i still have a 8marks essay to do.I have no idea what exactly happened to me.There's one question on monsoon forest and i went on to write about mangrove forest.I finished writing 1paragraph then i realised it's monsoon forest.Time wasted,if not i might have completed the last 2 question.For geography,lucky i choose the correct topic to study.If I have chosen river and coast,I think my answers are really gonna sucks to the max.

I managed to finish the whole chinese paper.but the comprehension passage was rather difficult.I just tried to find the best answer in the passage and fit them in.

Although I managed to finished the chinese paper,in terms of quality work,I think I did better for geography.

Today's emaths paper2 was still not too bad.Since yesterday till now,I'm not really in the exam mode.I have no idea what exactly have happened to me.The feeling is just like any normal school day.What surprised me is that,I don't really feel stress when I was doing the papers.Even when I am not doing the papers,I don't feel it.When I'm doing the papers,I just feel as though I'm doing any normal assignment.This seems to just happen over night and my Mom sometimes say that I'm a bit cranky when I disturbed her for nothing.haha LOL

Actually,I do hoped that this will carry on till O's over,at the same time will have that sense of urgency to accelerate myself further.

2010-09-08T16:36:00.002+08:00

I did not manage to finish the last essays for the SS papers.I was at the last few paragraphs.I hope i can do well enough for geography so that i can pass with good results.

Up till now,I'm still thinking,how to overcome my psychology barriers.Mean time,I'll just do whatever I can.I'm not very confident of passing the prelims with flying colours.Recently,I realised that,as I get stressed up,besides getting irritated easily,I'm also getting rather emotional with the tendency to tear,which I have no idea why.In the past,no matter how stressed up I was,I never get emotional.

I admits that at times,I'm very pessimistic.I wished that I could be more optimistic,but at times,I just can't help it.

Just recently,I got this feeling that I'm sort of disconnected from my religion.I really wonder why.After thinking for some time,I guess it's most probably because I did not go to my temple for a long time,not actively participating in the activities.Or perhaps I was occupied with something else.However,I will go into it and will not let myself feel such way anymore.First of all,this is not a pleasant feeling.Second,it's not something good as well as it gives me some sort of spiritual relives in one way or another.

2010-08-30T14:52:00.003+08:00

I thought i have already let go of it.In reality,i did not.When Ms Tang mention about it today,i nearly teared,just that it remained at the edge of my eyes instead of flowing out.....a D7 for 2009 O's Emaths... ...

I really fear and worries that history will repeat itself.I cannot afford to let it happen again.I'm feeling a lot of uncertainties.The pressure is there.It is something which i can never run away from.Never!

Prelim is starting in just a few days time.

How can i overcome these psychology barriers?I have no idea... ...

I have no idea how much longer can i still hang in there.I hoped i can hang in there till O's over.

2010-08-16T14:59:00.002+08:00

On friday went to NYP with Jane to watch Kaleidoscope by NYPCO.It's seriously awesome!I loved it.It had been quite some time since I last watch a co concert.The concert really made my day.Joanne,thanks a lot for the tickets.

On saturday late afternoon I went to Woodland for Republic Run with PL.Initially wanted to sign up for the 10km competitive run,but as it have yet to be a year after my operation in december last year and both of us did not really had the time to train for it.In the end we signed up for the 5km fun walk/run.The republic run is a run for charity and also in line with the yog.This is the first time I took part in such event,also the first time that i ran such a distance at one go.Of course in between the run I did walked a little.It was a very nice weather for a run.Something that surprised myself is that I did not expect myself to complete the run in less than an hour as it had been a long time since i ran and since my operation in december i did not do any vigorous exercise at all.I took about 35-40minutes to complete the run.OMG!

haha perhaps next time i may give the 10km run a shot.

Personally,I feel that I am getting more and more incline towards sports,my interest in sports are growing.However,this does not mean that i'm not interested in music anymore.

Time is really flying without us realising.The O level prelim for language and huamnities paper is starting on 2september.After which,the rest are after the september one week break.16more days to go for the prelims,8more days to go for O level EL oral.Press on!

2010-08-06T23:32:00.002+08:00

How do you defines mature?What's your definition of mature?What help/enable us to mature?According to the free online dictionary by Farlex,it means relatively advanced physically,mentality,emotionally etc-grown up.

It can be something that is tangible or untangible.But more often than not,I feel that it's untangible.

I believed that,what had shaped me into who and what i'm today,are the environment that i'm in,the people around me in the different environment and the different circumstances.Which lead to who and what i'm today,more or less have something to do with my maturity.I also believed that,in certain aspects,i'm more matured than others.

Although I have been reading inspirational books,just a page of the book,can set me thinking and reflecting the whole day or more than a day.At times,i had to re-read it a few more times as i think and reflect,then will i understand what does it really meant.As much as i read,remember some of it and share with others,somehow,at times,i just can't apply it to myself.Which i don't know why.

I think i'm still in the process of learning to let go of certain things/matters.

For my studies,currently i'm down for night studies on 3 consecutive day,mondays,tuesday and wednesday.O's Prelim is coming real soon.I really hoped i can hang in there long enough till the end of Os...

"The difficult takes time.The impossible takes a little longer."

2010-08-06T13:19:00.003+08:00

Today's national day celebration in school is rather dry.Everyone is so bored.

Today is also the last day in mf for the trainee teachers.I really hoped they will come back to mf.They are really great people.All the best to them.I attempted to add 2 of them,whom i know.Only 1 is being added successfully,the other one have her own policy,not to add students in facebook.However,we can still keep in touch via email or message on facebook.I think that,what matter the most is,we all can still keep in touch.Which i think is already very good.

2010-08-05T23:06:00.003+08:00

On monday went on a learning journey with class to NP,Dialogue in the Dark(DiD).It's really awesome!It's something which i will never forget.I feel that i have benefited quite a fair bit from it.Initially when i knew that we all had to go to NP,i had no idea what is the trip going to be about.Upon receiving the consent form,i started thinking..."what's DiD?talk in the dark???"As i was rather busy,i did not go to the net to search and find out what exactly is it about.I only briefly know what it's all about on that very day when SS teacher gave us some info about it.My first reaction was like.."huh???" and i wondered how exactly is it going to be.After that i told myself to go with an open mind.We toured the exhibits in complete darkness,lead by a guide whom is partially visually impaired,each with a cane in hand.We had to navigate around using the cane provided and our other senses(our sense of hear,smell,touch...etc).Without sense of hear,we will not know where exactly each other are at or what each other are doing.It's a brand new experience,can be a so called,"temporary visually impaired".At the last part of the tour,at a cafe,we get to purchase beverage and delectable cookies(i think bigger than the size of sub-way),sit down and consume them in the dark.At the same time,it's also the chit-chat session with the guide,we can also 'interview' the guide.I shall not reveal too much about the tour,if not it won't be fun anymore.

This reinforced in me,to cherish whatever/whoever single things/persons around me/that i have right now.I also should not be too complacent.

The experience is really different.In Singapore,there's only one,which is in NP.I strongly recommend you people to go for it.I also wanna get my friends to go for it.Even if i go for this again,i don't really mind.It's open monday to saturday,strictly by bookings only.For more info,please refer to the links at the side of my blog.

Special thanks to my guide,Evangeline Yeo.Without her,I could not imagine how it would have been.And Calvin,the cafe tender,thanks for your service.

The past 2 nights i have been sleeping quite late.It varies from 12+ to 2+ in the morning as i wanted to finish all the geography assignments and don't wanna owe the teacher any assignment.haha i guess i'm becoming 'panda no.2" LOL....

ok I shall wash up and go to bed now.Good night people =)

2010-07-30T23:48:00.003+08:00

I have been rather busy lately.Night study programme started this week.I'm down for it on monday and tuesday.This is on top of afternoon's remedial,which usually ends around 1630,but working hard for the desired results is definitely worth it.I will try my best to preserve and press on.I hope i can hang in there long enough...

Some of you around me have noticed that i have been bringing guitar to school weekly or stayed back in school till evenings for the past few weeks and even knew that was to practice for the upcoming teachers day performance.However,i have withdrew from it.Since the night study started,i could hardly find time to practice.If after night studies and there's house chores or domestic affairs to settle,i would end up sleeping around 12 plus mid-night or 1 plus in the morning.During the days without night studies,on top of my homework,i might need to help do house chores as well.So sometimes without night studies,i still ended up sleeping around 12 plus. I'm rather reluctant,unwilling and could not really bear to withdraw from it.However,i do not really have a choice.I can't afford to do it at the expense of my studies. O's prelim is coming soon,in about a month or so.After that will be the O's language and humanities paper.If i were to spend the time to practice then i would not have time for studies.I can't afford to scarify my studies just for this,because this determines what happens to me in the near future.I withdrew from it but my friends still wanna continue,so they are gonna find another guitarist.Supposingly,this is my first and last performance for teachers day concert.Sad to say,i can't cope and balance it with my studies.However,i would still like to thank my friends who gave me the chance and people who rendered us helps and guidance along the way.Although i had withdrew from it,i still gained something from it.Through the practice of guitar,i felt my burning passion for music again.Before this,it was a little 'dead' as i did not play instruments for quite a long time,as such,my rythem sense also decreased.As such,i'm still having second thoughts about the poly courses.

As mentioned,the O's prelims are coming,after that would be the Os.As the day passes by,i gets more stressed up.Besides that,i think i need better time managements and better discipline,to achieve my targets :S

I hopped that the history will not repeat itself... ...

As i was rather busy,other than during pe,i hardly exercise.I'm seriously growing horizontally.I better eat less and at least try to go for jogging over the weekends.I hope there will be less frequent rain so that i can go for a jog ... ...

2010-07-05T13:23:00.002+08:00

Time is really flying without us knowing it.Some how,I sort of realised how behind time i was in my own revision/study.On last week Wednesday after the afternoon assembly talk by the principal,I started to think about myself.I really doubt the level of my determination and perseverance as compared to the level of it in sec3.I wonder how much have I really changed since sec3 till now.Did I changed for the better or the worse?In what other areas do I need to improve in?

More test and stuffs coming up...
My stress level seems to be increasing day by day...

For the poly courses,I seems to e having second thoughts about it ... ...

Chinese O level oral exam on this coming Thursday... ...

" The difficult takes time.
The impossibles takes a little longer."

2010-06-16T22:48:00.003+08:00

I have not been blogging for about a month.

On the last day of may,was my birthday,but this is not important,as compared to what i had to do that day.It was O level Chinese written papers.Before i entered the examination hall,i told myself,"if i can get a distinction,it will be the best birthday present."

In the hall,to me,it was freezing cold even when i was wearing a jacket.At first i thought they really 'blast' the air corn,after that my brain sort of 'hung',i can't really think properly,kept dosing off.I tried to keep myself awake by drinking water,however,as the hall was air conditioned,my water turned chilled.After a while,i realised not many people are wearing jacket in the hall,i was sick.I hang in there to complete the papers.

After which,I dared not think about the results that I'm gonna get for this,because i doubted my own ability at that point of time.Now,there's nothing i can do to change it.For this particular paper,my fate is sealed.I guessed,most probably after the results come back to me,i might just re-sit the paper again.

As usual,the first two weeks of the holiday was camp success for graduating classes.To me,it's not holiday.I just felt like it's a normal school day,just that it's shorter hours.

I remembered that Ms Tang once said,"we need to be a fighter."In order for us to win,to excel,we need that fighting spirit.
The third week of the holiday,which is this week.I don't know what is getting into me,I seems to have lost the fighting spirit.In fact I sort of landed myself in a 'dilemma',which made things worse.It's already wednesday and i have barely touch my holiday assignments.

Recently,I have been watching a HK drama,which have yet to be broadcast on tv on the net.It's actually part three of it.The first two part of it have been broadcast on tv.The first part is being broadcast two years ago when i was in sec3.The second part was being broadcast last year.The first two part of it really motivated and inspired me in one way or another.However,part three of it,other than motivating and inspiring me,it made me reflect and think a lot on myself.They can still be found on the net. They are, 《学警雄心》，《学警出更》，《学警阻击》.I believed the third part will be broadcast on tv one day.I hope there will be a part four to it,or rather,continuous part.

In 《学警雄心》,it's about a group of recruits in Police Training School(PTS).At the end of their training,One of the instructor turns out to be one of father of a recruit.Unfortunately,he was shot down by a heavily armed criminal,with only a handgun in hand. To find out more, please go to the web.

http://www.tudou.com/playlist/playindex.do?lid=6255569

In 《学警出更》,The same group of people are being train to be in the Police Tactical Unit(PTU).One of the leader in the group was their former instructor in PTS.The other was the buddy of the instructor being shot down by the criminals.TO fins out more,please go to this web.

http://www.tudou.com/playlist/playindex.do?lid=7302488&iid=27546064&cid=22

In 《学精阻击》,the same group of people,they went into the units which they specialised in gangsterism.One of them became an undercover when he was in the VICE unit.

To find out more,please go to this web.

http://www.tudou.com/playlist/playindex.do?lid=7693486

I realised that,every time after i watched this type of drama,it always motivates,inspires and set me thinking.Another drama would be 《随时候命》.

After I watched 《学警阻击》,i started thinking about what i wanna do in the future.
Before this,those who read my blog or know me,will know,i was struggling with the decision,of going into the course in RP or NAFA. I am not sure if it's because of this particular drama that i have the thought of joining SPF.I started asking myself again,'what do i really wanna do in the future?' Definitely what i know for sure is that,I wanna do something that is meaningful,if better still,something that can benefit the society.More or less,something that i have found out about going into SPF,to be a full time officer,there are many things i have to withstand.However I think at most,I can only join as Volunteer Special Constabulary(VSC) officer.Of course,there's still a need to go through trainings.

However,for now,the thing that i wanna do the most,is to go into camp coach.I think,for me,to be a VSC is only secondary. Whatever it is,I shall see how things goes after poly.But for now,the important thing is to pass O level with flying colours.I hope my motivation will last me long enough.

I think another thing i need to do is to learn to let go ... ...

Way to go people =)

2010-05-17T16:04:00.004+08:00

Today during chinese lesson,to help us in our letter writing,teacher wrote on the board...outcome and process,which one is more important?

This somehow reminded me of last year's SYF,I left there with regrets.The regrets of not doing better than what i did.When it reminded me about that,i can't help it but feeling a little sad.This only goes to show that i have yet to fully let go of it.

Yesterday,I told my mother about my decision of going into the industry or being a camp coach thus the choice of the course in RP.She objected to it quite strongly.
She told me that this job is more suitable for males,this job will always keep me away from home,i cannot do this job when i am older like 30plus,for this job i won't have proper sleeping area. What kind of response is this? This shows that her understanding of this job is so minimum.One,female can also do this job well.Two,there is a season for camp.Camp is not everyday.Different schools have different periods,like term one week one or term two week one.Other than that would be the June holidays.She say till as though i would be camping everyday.Third,for now,what i want to go into is outdoor camp.I strongly believed i still can do this as long as i am physically fit.,which i will maintain it after i have improve to a certain level.Next,i intended to join akltg.I know that they have designated/fixed campsite,at such,there's proper sleeping area.Unless the campsite is in a school then don't have to say,but i believed that even if it is in a school,it is not going to be that bad after all.
I want to join akltg is not because of their designated/fixed campsite.

One more thing she told me,i have scoliosis so i cannot do this job,this job will make my condition worse.What is this? By saying that,she made me feel that i am being discriminated/condemned.What is wrong with people with scoliosis doing this kind of job? Since i have decided not to go for the operation for scoliosis,i am already fully aware of what i have to go through. Going into this industry does not necessarily means that it will worsen my condition.Of course i will be careful and take care of it,so that i can work long outdoor camp.I have also thought about it,in the case of whereby i am unable to be outdoor camp coach anymore,i can be indoor coach.Besides that,i still have other skills for survival.Such as photography,swim coach/ life guard,hair dressing...etc
I will be going for life guard course at the end of this year after my O level,which i intended to go last year.This is already postponed from last year.

Today i have thought deeper about my decision of going into this industry. Even if I really cannot be camp coach and have to go into other industry,i can still continue and contribute it in other place at the same time when i am working in other industry,like Sagaramudra. I do have a rough plans on what i want to do if i am really unable to be an outdoor/indoor camp coach.

All my mother think about my reason of going into this industry is because i just want to have fun.

What i will hold firm is that I will go into this industry. I don't want to have anymore major regrets. Even if i am unable to do be outdoor/indoor coach after i really become old,at the very least i have really give it my very best.I won't have such regrets and i can still contribute to this in other ways. I want a job that is meaningful,something that is not stressful and something that i can really look forward to,which is my passion as well.I just don't want a job that is too stressful.I don't want to go through that big amount of stress again. That's all I want for my career,is that too much to ask for?

2010-05-15T13:12:00.003+08:00

The picture have became clearer.I have decided about it.I will go into the industry of camp coach(outdoor).However,choosing this does not meant that i give up on music.Going into this industry is not just purely for money.It's more than that.First thing is that,it is not as stressful as compared to the other.Second,it's meaningful(not implying that music is not meaningful).Third,it is also one of my passion.I want to go into a career that i really like and that's less stressful.It's going to be miserable for me if i ever go into a career that i don't like.Then i will be like dragging my feet to work,dread going to work.I don't want that.I not implying that i don't like e career of music,it's just the stress level.Fourth,making a difference.Again here,not implying that music cannot make a difference,it's the stress.

Next is that,in NAFA,not a single chance is given for failure.It's going to be very stressful for me,because it's either a make it or break it.Then everyone goes in there,go through the same thing.The music that they are going to produce is gonna be so common.At the very most is,different in style.I want to produce music that is different,unique/special and extraordinary.(not implying that going to NAFA is useless)

The mid-year exam is finally over.It sort of sucked me dry,feeling so exhausted.I flunked my humanities again. As for science,i don't think i pass physics.I wonder if i even can pass science.I hope i did not do too badly for chemistry. The rest are still alright,but i think i am gonna be skin alive by the teacher pretty soon when we get back our papers. Up coming,end of this month is O Level Chinese and because of that,school is starting intensive Chinese programme.The first 4 periods will be chinese,which is the periods before recess. On our normal timetable,most of our chinese periods seems to be after recess. On friday,after recess still have 2 periods on chinese. OMG. I really wonder how am i going to survive through that...

Yesterday happen to be going to chinatown,so i drop by the teahouse and visited them.After chatting for a while,my manage asked me when's my holiday and asked me if i could work on weekends.As O level Chinese is at e end of this month,she told me that i can let her know after my exam. By that time would be June holiday already. During the first 2 weeks of June holiday, will have to go back to school for camp success.Other than that would be studying at home,i think more likely should be alright.I shall see how things goes at that time first...

CONTRADICTIONS AFTER CONTRADICTIONS... ...

2010-04-18T22:46:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, i took out my guitar to play,which i did not touch for don't know how long. After a while, I was rather amazed with myself. I did not touch it for so long and yet,i could actually change the chords at the speed of what song should be. Can i do that for dizi,i have no idea. After that, i started to enjoy playing with it.

I remembered that when i was taught how to read e "taogay" scores was in primary school during music lesson. After which i forgot everything about it and to a certain extend that i was afraid of it. Last time i used ask Jane to help me 'translate' the scores. Yesterday, with reference to the scores she did, i attempted to ' translate' another score. How successful is it,i don't know.Tomorrow will ask someone to check for errors.

Today, I watched the 'Star Awards' show. The songs/music sort of reminded me about the old good times i had.

Long time ago, i had the thoughts of forming/having my very own orchestra.Up till now,this thought still remained on my mind. I know that if i really want to go into this,i must first get diploma from NIE and diploma in music and conducting.I also want to learn other instrument such as drum set.

These set me thinking about the decision again,whether to go RP or NAFA.

I wonder,besides not wanting to have a stressful job,is it because i did not really really enjoy music for a long time?

I want to go into a job that i truly enjoy and like it.

If i were to really go into music,it's either a make it or break it. No chance given at all to fail. Currently,i am only holding a grade 3 certificate for dizi.Even if i go for it, NAFA may not accept me.

Both music and facilitating camps are my passion.If i chose either one of the course,it does not means that i have given up on the other. And no matter which course i eventually go into,i know there will be a long way to go.

Some of us will say, just follow your heart. But now,my feeling towards each course seems to be on par... ...I hate to be stuck in this kind of decision. I am seriously struggling with this kind of decision.

As i have mentioned in my previous post, different people have different point of view,different opinions. Readers, please do give me your opinions/point if view.Thank you.

CONTRADICTIONS =.=

2010-04-13T20:48:00.003+08:00

Before any thing goes wrong or misunderstanding happens, I want to declare that I have no intention of hurting anyone. I can only say that different people perceive things in different ways.

I have been to the website of polytechnics and NAFA. Of all the courses i am interested in,what interest in most is Dip. in Outdoor & Adventure Learning from RP and Dip. in Music Performance from NAFA. For me,it's a rather difficult decision to make. If i go into NAFA, then music will become my career.In contrast,if i go into RP, it will also become my career.

The entry requirements are as follows :

Dip. in Outdoor & Adventure Learning:

English~1-6
A/EMaths~1-7
Combined Humanities~1-6
2 other subject~1-6
Medical Examination~pass
>CCA points included.

Cut off points: 25
2010/2011 intake: 125

Dip. in Music Performance:

English~C6 or better
4 other subject
Audition~pass

Includes: conducting,music therapy,orchestration,ethnomusicology.

Even though i heard that a lot of people say that RP is not good,but,Dip. in Outdoor & Adventure Learning is something that other polytechnics does not have.If a lot of people want to go into this course,then the competition will be immerse.

After thinking for some time,I compared them. If I take up that course in NAFA....
In short terms,i achieve the diploma.But in long terms,what can i achieve after that?What will be the real meaning(意义) behind it?

I understand that teaching music and performing can also make a different in other people's life.But in a performance,only those who really appreciate music will remember and enjoy it.

If I take up that course in RP.It's really gonna be life long learning and i will become a full time/professional camp coach/trainer/facilitator/mentor,whatever you call it.If I were to do this,I will not just be able to learn from the people around me,but also make a difference in other people's lives,inspire and impact other people.This benefit both me and the other party/parties.I can also meet people from all walks of life.I have facilitated camps before. At the end of the camp, I can see and sense the improvements and the growth in the campers.This feeling is just so great. It simply let me feel that whatever i have done for them is worth it. This is way more meaningful as compared to the course in NAFA. .I feel that even if i don't take up that course in NAFA, I still can get my diploma for music at my own pace own timing in NUS. Although both music and facilitating camps are my passion and give me great sense of achievements,facilitating camps is less stressful which i guess is one of the reason why i made this choice.

Beside all these, I want to inspire,motivate and make a difference in other people's life,because it's something very meaningful. So,for now,I have chosen to take up that course in RP.However, this is not my final decision yet and i may not pass the medical examination to qualify for the course...not too sure what e medical examination is about...

After my O level this year, I will want to join AKLTG as camp trainer/coach/mentor. My friend will send me the details when he's back in Singapore. Hope I will be accepted by AKLTG...looking forward to it... ...

Readers,please give comments/suggestions/your point of view.Thank you.

2010-03-26T20:42:00.002+08:00

Project super achievers ended yesterday. It's fun and interesting. It benefited me a great deal. How nice would it be if it's not just 2days. Although it's just 2day,I think I'm getting a bit sentimental about it.You all can say I'm sentimental for all you want,i don't care...I sort of missed both the workshop and the coaches. I hope I will be able to find them on facebook to keep in contact...

I have learnt a lot from the coaches. I definitely will apply what i have learnt. I still remember the D-I-S-C personality test and the A-V-K test. I sort of help me know myself better. I got I/S/C for the D-I-S-C test. The A-V-K test I got A. We were given tips on how to do our notes in a better way,using short hand,ways to remember things better,way to study better according to our D-I-S-C personality and the environment,ways to dis-stress,ways to keep ourselves awake...

If I am not wrong,this is just camp success part1.In june,there will be camp success part2.Hope it will be the same coaches and it will be longer than just 2days.

I also remembered the fun times,games and the forfeit...big fish small fish,big sotong small sotong,grabbing of straws snack and sweets game,puzzle,who what huh,fruits and mrt names,the game whereby the coaches tried to pull us out of our circle but none of them manage to,chicken dance,banana dance,cute pose,jokes and all the sharing. I enjoyed them all. I enjoyed the whole process of the 2 day workshop,except that the beginning of it I did not feel too good about it. But a while later I am alright with it already.

I also believed that this workshop benefited everyone. For me,this workshop not only let me realised and learnt a lot of things,but also motivated me.

Thank you coach Elgin, coach Ruby and coach Shaun =)

Today was CIP day.All sec4s and sec5s went our to collect newspapers and stuffs. In my group there was 8 people including me.Our group did block 112. The total amount of newspaper collected as compared to last year was quite little. Last year the amount of newspaper collected could stack up to our shoulder height and have many stacks to it. Perhaps it's because the different in blocks. AS there was lesser newspaper collected,it also became more relaxing as a result of it. Among the things we have collected,besides newspaper,we also had old clothes,old bedsheets and soft toys. I had quite a bit of fun,this year's CIP is quite fun. Before we went around collecting,Mrs Leong sort of gave us some 'incentives'. After we finished the collection,she treated us 100+ drink. Thank you Mrs Leong.

Tomorrow I will have to go to NUH again. I have physiotherapy tomorrow afternoon. Shall continue with my study after I am back from it.

Camp Success->Project Super Achivers

2010-03-24T20:17:00.008+08:00

Today the level camps started,the school was pretty quiet. School ended at 6pm for sec4s and sec5s due to the project super achievers.

Initially at the beginning of the workshop, I had a rather unpleasant feeling about it.However I told myself, "This will definitely benefit me,just make the best out of it."

After the first day of the workshop, it made me realised quite a fair bit of things. When some of the questions being asked or bought up by the coaches, i realised that i did thought about these questions before,but i did not think that deep. I then realised what i actually thought about in the past about those questions was rather superficial. Today, I thought deeper about those questions.

One of the questions being asked today,was... What is your dream? I thought... ... I still want to be a professional musician.I have many dreams. Another one of it,is to inspire,motivate, and educate the future generations,though camps. These are the things which give me very meaningful great sense of achievements. I facilitated camps before, at the start of the camp till the end of the camp,I could see the improvements the campers made. It let me have a great sense of achievement,at such that i find what i did was very meaningful and whatever I did in this camp for the campers paid off. The facilitating of the camp was all voluntary work,not a single person is being paid for it in terms of materialistic stuffs. But, the campers improvements are the best reward for us. As for me wanting to be a professional musician,is due to the ever hot burning passion that i have for music. The passion that's within me,will never die.It also gives me a great sense of achievements.

Another questions being asked today,was...What do you fear? We are given some time to pen it down and people who want to share their fears can share them. One classmate went up and shared with everyone something he experienced which he was once feared of. As he was sharing, he reminded me about last year syf. As it reminded me about it, my eyes started to become watery and started to feel exactly how i felt when the result was being announced,just that,that type of feeling was not as strong as before.But i held my tears.I did not let it out. .After that,I realised that i have not let go of it completely. If I have really let go of it completely, I will not be feeling that way at all. I thought time have already faded it completely,but it have not. In one month's time,it will be something which have happened a year ago. Will I be able to let go of it completely?

After 3/4 of the workshop today, I don't really had that unpleasant feeling anymore. After today's workshop, I did learn something and also became a bit more motivated to strive for my goals and dreams. I also realised that it's all in the mindset,and also find that certain things the coaches say do apply to me. Tomorrow there will be more things to learn and more study tips :P

Now I am very sure that this benefits me to a great extent and I am glad that I did not 'switch off' during the workshop =)

2010-03-23T15:37:00.003+08:00

Over the 1 week holiday I did not really go out play except on sunday,the last day of holiday. The whole holiday I was literally studying and lazing around at home.But I was not really productive enough in during the holiday.lol

On friday I was down with a flu. What a bad timing.Of all the time,it pick a few days just before school reopen and before my gathering. Lucky on sunday i was well enough to attend the gathering.

On saturday my mom helped me send the urine for the 24hour urine test.WTH,the lab was closed. My mom told me that,with effect from january,the clinics and lab will be closed.Then i need to redo it again =.=

Saturday morning I went for dental appointment.....

On sunday went to primary school gathering.We meet at amk hub and took bus 166 to Vivo City. Along the way we were chatting and catching up with each other. At Vivo City,we went to play pool and arcade games. The last time i went there,there's 4 pool table,now there's only 2. After that we went to eat dinner at Marche. They are wierd, I only told them the Rosti is the sigature dish and it's nice. They can also try the soup and pastas etc... Then everyone went to get Rosti,some of them have it with saussage,some have it without topping,one of them and I had it with smoked salmon. I also got myself a soup. LOL

After we came out of the restaurant,we took some pictures before going off.

Somehow,I dont know why, sometimes I just feel that i get tired easily -.-

2010-03-12T21:07:00.005+08:00

Today was the last day of school before the term break.This week,wednesday,thursday and friday,which is today,had bridging tests.I wonder how are are my results. Anyway,there's nothing i can do now to change any part of it. I can only work hard and strive to achieve better results. The march holiday homework seems to be as high as a mountain,but i will finish every bit of it and do even more.

Although i was very stressed up during the common test period,I think i can now manage my stress level better.It's one of the things i must do to achieve better results,because when i am too stressed up,i tend to get mental block and under-perform.At the same time, i am trying not to get so stressed up so easily. In the past, a minor class test alone can get me very stressed up. Now,it does not stressed me up as much as before.

I have been reading a book by Dave Pelzer,entitled " Moving Forward". After quite some time,i have yet to finish reading the book as i was only reading it during reading period in the morning in school.As i was reading,I came across this paragraph," If you are facing a challenging situation,don't be overwhelmed.Do what you can;as much as you can,keep your focus on the NOW. Don't worry or stress about the next few hours. Forget about tomorrow and don't even think about the day after that,let alone the weeks to follow. Just push all that undue,unneeded stress,useless worry-all that crap-out of your head and flush it away. Find something that makes you feel safe,that protects you,and helps to pull you through. The list is only limited only by the scope of your positive attitude......as you are performing your daily routine,as you are being proactive,maintain a good attitude. Keep telling yourself, "I can do this,I can get through this"...."

After reading this particular paragraph,i started to think. This should be exactly what i should do for my stress management such that i will not under-perform and able to achieve better results.

In the past,over the weekends or holiday,I always slept till late morning or worse still, afternoon,then i wake up. Starting this march holiday onwards,this shall not happen again. I shall wake up earlier so that i can have more time to study. I shall wake up latest by 0800 and not a minute more.

Today after school I went to do CIP. After CIP,I meet my mom and grandmother at the bus inter-change to help them take passport sized photo using the machine there.After that went to grab some snacks before heading to NTUC to buy groceries.After which we went home. After reaching home, I did not study.I was checking my email,facebook, and slacking around as i am blogging and doing some reflection here.

As today was the last day of school for the term,i got back my report book. As for my results, I think i really under-performed for the common test due to stress level. At such,some time i have problem sleeping at night,or problem concentrating on whatever i am doing,with some stupid mood swing and get distracted easily...

Tomorrow i shall get myself started on the homework and get some things sorted out.On monday morning i will be having chinese remedial then in the afternoon i will hae to be at NUH for physiotherapy. I think after i reach home from the physiotherapy on monday,i shall have a short rest and then start studying.
On tuesday i don't think i will have to go to school,so most probably i will be at home studying. On wednesday i think i shall go to school to meet up with ms tang and clarify whatever doubts i have. Since i am having chinese remedial on monday and meeting Ms Tang on wednesday,i shall clear my chinese stuffs by sunday and clear emaths and amaths stuffs by tuesday.After which then i proceed with other subject.

Most probably will have a few gatherings over the holiday.I shall not let it affect my study,just have to plan my time properly.

If my mom continue to be out of job,after next few months our saving will be depleted for sure. However,I am glad that my mom have successfully got a job.She went for the interview two days ago and was notify that she was selected for the job yesterday.The pay is still considered alright. Now, i can have one lesser worries. =)

2010-03-07T21:30:00.002+08:00

Now there's nothing i can do to change my common test marks. It have already become a fact. The only thing i can do and what i want to do now,is to work even harder. So that i can close up the gap of my target and better still,achieve my target. Different people do things in different way. Perhaps i just have to do it the harder way.

March holiday is coming,in a week time. I better go and really think about how to spend my time wisely beside all the gathering and playing with friends.

On wednesday will be having SS test then thursday will be have combined science test. Tomorrow there might be physics remedial.

But I have an appointment to go for physiotherapy at NUH tomorrow. However i am struggling with e decision,to go or not to go.

Something good and something bad....

2010-03-03T22:25:00.004+08:00

I got back almost all my papers,left one subject.This is really terrible.My common test results seriously sucks to the max.I expected myself to do better than that. The worst of all is english! How could i?!?!?How could i fail english?!?!? I actually got such a pathetic mark! A single digit!OMG! It's the worst marks i ever got for english in secondary school! When i saw my marks for english, i really felt like crying. However i suppressed my feeling,because i don't want to cry there.As we were doing corrections for the paper,Mr kahlid told us he took it from Dunmon High School's cluster papers.After recess i got back my papers for the science,physics and chemistry.I got 9/25 for physics and 11/25 for chemistry. After getting back my english paper i am already feeling bad enough and the science marks simply made it worse.

Come to think of it, i sort of passed 1 subject only!OMG! This is really getting scary man!What exactly happened to me?!?!? Where exactly did i went wrong?!?!? Did i underperformed due to my stress level??!!??!!?? Or did i underperformed due to my stupid careless mistake?!?!?!????

This time it really seems that i really landed myself in deep trouble :/

After school had SS lesson on class,after that i went for co. Co sort of brightened up my day today. When i saw my juniors practicing,i was like 'wow'. They have made tremendous improvement. Their improvements are really remarkable. They can play the instrument so well, at such that i think they have already surpassed us,their seniors. The sec3s and sec2s,they are already playing the bigger dizi which we called (大F,Bb). They still managed to stretched their fingers that big even though they have some problems here and there. They sort of like to jog or run to train their stamina. Today they asked hls if can run. LOL last time when i asked them to do that to train stamina they were very reluctant then now they like that. Actually i am quite surprised by that. Well done girls! Keep it up =) I believed when the intensive practice for syf comes,you all definitely will improve a lot even more. After i have not seen them practicing or practicing with them for quite a long time,they have made such remarkable improvements. I am really proud of you people :D Soar high people :D Right from the start,I strongly believed that you all will be able to help bring co to soar greater heights. Now you all have proven me right and even made my faith in you all grew even stronger. Jiayou and have faith in yourself =)

Today the sec1s are there. Guess what? Finally there's a boy in dizi after so many years. If there's no boys joinging then our section will really turn into girls section (女子乐队). hahaha LOL

One thing which i did not realised about my juniors till today.I realised most of them,as in the sec3s,are in 3A and one of them in 3I. Annnnd,Mr Ang happened to be 3A form teacher.wa now it's like he have been teaching 3 generation of dizi people. LOL

2010-03-02T23:11:00.002+08:00

Recently my life is really terrible. A problem have yet to settle and came another problem.One coming after another.I already have enough of my own problems already.Why must you people add on to the problems/worries by doing such stuffs?haiz... every family have their own problems, i shall not spell every single thing out here. Now i only hope that they will be resolve asap but i doubt some of it can be resolve that soon :(

There's only 2 point of time where by i will reveal my true self,as in my feelings.One is right here in this blog of mine.The other one is in front of my very closed friends who have gone though think and thin with me,without the presence of any family members.These are also the places where i can really vent out my frustrations more freely.So,readers,please don't mention a thing from my blog when you saw me at anywhere with any other people.Just keep it within here or though email if you want to tell me anything in private.Thanks.

freaking irritated x(

2010-03-01T20:38:00.006+08:00

Today did not get back any test papers as there are people who have not take e test. The things we supposed to start today was postponed. I don't know what they are thinking about, since we have already decided to get started on it today then you all still made plans to go out and don't know do what or say you don't know we have all agreed to get it started today. For goodness sake,since it have been decided and planned,get started and get your ass moving!!! Can't we just get it over and done with rather than drag and drag ?!?!?

She's not trying hard enough to look for job at all.It really seems that she is enjoying staying at home and doing nothing. It really seems that she don't wanna get a job.How on earth are we gonna survive? Our savings won't last us forever.It will be used up and day and at the rate we are going, i know that it's approaching us faster than we expected.She have a group of friends who are going oversea for holiday together for 10days and kept asking her to go.She is still thinking to go or not to go.Over lunch,she was asking my brother and i to sponsor her to join her friends.For goodness sake,it will only make our savings vanish even faster.Although she keep saying there's lots of things to do at home which is making her feel very tired, she still say, 'when i am at home everyday,i want to dig out the recipe book and try to do this do that' . Please la,who don't want to have a carefree life,don't need to worry a thing and do whatever we like? But given this situation can we? Absolutely not! Besides that,how am i supposed to survive financially independent?Where do i go and get the time to work and earn a income to pay the bills? My brother's income is hardly enough to pay the bills and he does not give a dam about it.All he care about is game game game!Spending more than half of it on games! As much as she don't say that she dont wanna get a job,all her actions are freaking obvious appearing to me that she don't want to work can?As if i can be financially independent at this point of time like that. Some more say i take care of it myself,say i am not independent enough. I don't think so. If i am really like that,i won't even bother to work after my n level,won't bother to help her pay some for the bills,won't be using my own money to buy stuffs,will be going to her at every little things!

Then just now over dinner,just because she don't feel like eating a particular dish,she just put her share of it on to my plate. Did i even mention or say that i want her share of it in the first place? She does not want it does not mean others will want it or others MUST take it. When i say i don't want her share of it and put some on her plate,she just flare up.What on earth is this!

I seriously don't know WTH is she thinking about!?!?!?!? I really don't know on earth she wants!!!!! I seems to don't understand her more and more !!!!!!!!

If this really carries on for a few more months,i think after that i might have to start going back to the tea house and work during the june holiday instead of wait till after o level then work....

Then another one,a while want this,a while later want that.

I really don't know what exactly are you people thinking about man!

2010-02-25T22:30:00.002+08:00

Yesterday we sat for amaths paper and today Ms Tang already finished marking and gave us back our paper. I failed the paper very badly.I got a single digit,7. I am not that surprise that i failed,but rather,a single digit,something which i did not expect at all.I thought i will not fail so badly. I think i failed this paper,is partly because of my stupid careless mistakes, my absenteeism from school ,and some problems happening at home. The problems happening at home is really making me feel rather frustrated and angry at the same time. It is also bothering me quite a fair bit, now i only hope that the rest of my results will be alright and the problems will be settle soon.

Now i seriously really dont know what on earth is she thinking about!!!Turning away this kind of opportunity which she will never be able to get,base on her qualification and age! A while say wanna work here,then later say wanna work there! What's so great about them?!?! Those are much worse off alright?!?!? I really have no idea if she's scared she cant manage or scared stress or don't wanna work or whatever stupid crap!!! For goodness sake! Given her age and qualifications,she cant get one easily! If she don't know anything she can always learn! Life long learning! If she only take up what she knows and never upgrade herself,she will never ever improve! She will end up on the original spot when everyone else are improving! Then after a while say what depend on another person's income! I really wonder she think about the amount! It's so freaking obvious that it's definitely not enough! Why must she be like that?!?!!!???
She seems like she have became another person after not working for a few months! Then recently she have been sleeping quite a fair bit. As much as she did not tell me what she have been doing with my laptop recently,i could check and i found out that she was trying to find work. After a short period of time not using computer,she's like completely dont know how to use one,even forgotten how to shut down a computer .Now i only hope that she won't let this good opportunity slip away. Today she's making me even more frustrated and angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..............

=.=

2010-02-24T22:38:00.002+08:00

The emaths paper was still alright,but the ss not too good. I did not manage to finish writing my answer.I was writing my last sentence then the time was up. However the worst of all is today.I had combined science and amaths today.I flunked it! At least 10marks gone for amaths.Then for chem paper alone,already about 10marks gone. Have not been in good mood recently. Although this term's common test is over for me,i am not feeling too good about it. I am still feeling rather stressed,perhaps it's my mood swing again :[

After the papers today,i was quite bothered by myself not doing well in the papers then during recess,another matter started to bother me. As a result, i was not giving my 100% attention during e period after recess. I think i better go read up on what he went through.

After that, during chem lesson,teacher started on a new topic,redox reaction. I am not that good in moles yet as in not that good at appying and i have to cope with new topic. I really wonder how i am going to cope with it....

2010-02-22T22:07:00.002+08:00

As the time flies, as I study, I started to feel vex from my studying and i could not absorb anymore. Tomorrow is SS and Emath. Out of sudden, I started to have this fear and uncertainties in me. Beside these i also have no confidence,feeling rather uneasy. This feeling is exactly what i got just before the N level papers. OMG. This is worrying. I hope I will not get any mental block during the papers tomorrow. God bless......

2010-02-22T18:30:00.003+08:00

Taking a short break off my study....

Over the weekend i was sort of studying like crazy,as if like there's no tomorrow. I did not really watch any tv programmes or play much. What i did was literally eat,study,sleep. After i woke up, took my breakfast then started studying. I just take short breaks in between my study and i was listening to radio as i study,trying to decrease my stress level. Over the weekend i only slept at 2 plus or 3 in the morning then wake up at 9 plus or 10 in the morning.

Yesterday at around 4 plus or 5 plus late afternoon,i suddenly felt very sleepy. Make a guesses what i did? I actually drank coffee trying to keep myself wide awake to study. When i tried to sleep at 12 plus,i could not get to sleep till 2 plus in the morning. I wonder if it's because of the coffee i drank or because i had slept very late over the past 2night or because i am too stressed about the common test as i realised i got sweaty palms and the feeling of some uncertainties.

This morning i was worried that i might doze off during the common test or lesson and i drank a bottle of chicken essence. LOL

Today's paper dont seems to be too good....
Hope i did not flunk them....
May the remaining papers be alright....

Alright,it's time for me to go back to my study. Will update again when i am free =)

2010-02-18T21:36:00.004+08:00

During cny holiday,i did a lot of visiting with my family. On e first night of cny, i was trying to complete my homework. However i only managed to complete half of it as i reached home rather late. The next day had to wake up early to go visiting again. As i was already very tried, i did not continue to complete my assignments at night.Thus i owed teachers some homework. =.=

Today Mrs ess gave us our marks which she have tally up for our 6 geography class test. I actually got 70. I think it's because these test are open book test. If they are close book test, i doubt i can get such a high marks. Of course i want to get good grades, but will have to work hard towards it.

Common test is coming. It's next week. After the cny holiday,my stress level seems to be increasing again. It seems to be getting worse. When i study, it's either my palms gets more and more sweaty or nothing gets into my head.After which i have the feeling of don't feel like studying,but i know i can't afford to do that. I hope it is still within the level which i can manage.If you were to ask me what exactly am i stressed about,i don't know how to put it in words.I can just feel the presence of the stress. I tried to blast music to relive stress. However, it seems to be getting less effective for me. Any kind soul have any good suggestions on stress relive? Do feel free to give suggestions.

Why is this happening?

2010-02-02T21:01:00.005+08:00

I think this happened before i realised it myself...

These few days,i keep having sweaty palms,especially when I am doing homework or studying or even when i am using my laptop.It's something i never use to have.Then sometimes i just feel like crying.Then today during e last 2 period of e day,i was in hibernation mode.My brain could not think much,close to switch off.After my lunch at home,i simply slept through till evening when i wanted to prepare myself for tomorrow 's Chemistry test in the afternoon.Recently i seems to be getting tired more easily than before.Beside these,i know that i do not have mountains of homework,but i had the feelings that i had ton of it.As much as i tried to force myself to do my stuffs and study and prepare for upcoming tests,my brain just don't seems to be working.I am just so out of sorts.WHY????

2010-01-30T14:33:00.003+08:00

Yesterday after school went to NUH.Now the cast on my leg have been removed as the crack of e bone at e ankle have healed.But one part where a small part if it was like a chip of e bone came off.Lucky e doctor says it's insignificant.The ankle is still swollen and it still hurts.The doctor says the swollen is due to the sever sprain,at such that my ligament might be torn.I will need to go back to see her one month later.If my ligament don't heal by itself and e symptom persist,then i may have to go for a surgery for e ligament.She says that when i walk,i have to gradually increase e pressure to my normal walking.I cannot suddenly increase to my normal walking.When i walk,i am still using clutches,but i am only using one of e two.However,if there's increasing pain or e pain just gets worse then i will have to walk with my two clutches.So i will still need to bring my clutches to school.My mom will be bringing me to the chinese physician for e sprain and e ligament.I hope i don't have to go for surgery for e ligament.

Somehow,i have e feeling that e injury at e ankle have affected my knee area at such that my old knee injury which i got at sec1,may be back.I have a weird feeling at e knee area =(
i hope i am wrong about it =.=

I think later will be going to see e chinese physician.After that i will have to start studying.. ..

2010-01-22T15:43:00.007+08:00

Sharks!I am still having a bit of mood swing and still getting tired more easily than before =.=
hope this mood swing won't last long... ...

It have been a week since my last post...

On monday on e way to school in the morning,I injured my left ankle at e staircase near my block.I was thinking about something as i was walking to the bus stop.At the staircase near my block,I missed a step,slipped and fell.At that point of time,it was really painful.If i am not wrong,the injuries at my ankle is a sprain plus a cracked at e bone of e ankle.Now it's in a cast.The cast have to be there for at least 2 weeks.After the 2 weeks hopefully i don't have to put e cast anymore.It's so itchy :/ But most important of all,is that it is causing a lot of inconvenient to everyone.I am feeling rather sorry about it.In e morning took a lift from TingKai to school,afternoon took a lift home from teachers.Then when i am in school,classmates have been wheeling me here and there.There's a group of people i would like to thank.First of all,I would like to thank Mrs Leong for her care,concern and help.She helped me arranged for the class to shift to the ground floor,helped me settle my transport problems for this week,and ensured that i don't get wet on e way home...Next would be Ms Mok and Madam Rohayati(dont know if spelled her name correctly...).Thanks for sending me home for the past few 2 day.

On wednesday,as i had social studies bridging,i told TingKai to go home first.As Mrs Leong had to attend a meeting outside school,she can't send me home.Thus she asked Madam Rohayati to send me home on the way to a home visit.That day,i think there's some communication break down or they tell e teacher too late.I ended up having to climb up to 4th floor for ss bridging.As my name was not in e list and teacher have already set up the laptop and stuffs,i had no choice but to go up.Come to say about it,although my name is not in e bridging name list for ss,i wanted bridging because for all e test or exams,i always had a borderline pass or a fail.But did not know how exactly i managed to get a 3 for n level humanities.Thus i wanted it.That day,I climed up with e accompany of a group of classmates.When i was at 3rd floor at the staircase,i nearly had another fall.After that one of e girls actually asked a guy to carry me up to 4th floor.Then Marcus actually came to piggey back me to 4th floor from e 3rd floor, he held my hands and leg.one of e girls was behind me,holding on to my butt.Then e rest surrounded us,or rather me,to prevent falling.When Marcus wanted to piggey back me to 4th floor,i was a bit worried.I was worried that he will drop me if he don't have enough strength and... ...
After the ss bridging,i asked one person to run down and tell Madam Rohayati that i am on e way down as lesson ended about 1520.After i reached e general office area,i realised she was already waiting in her car.After i got into her car,she told me have to wait for Mrs John and Mr Gana.On e way out of school gate inside e car,they saw something.then after that Mrs John started asking me if i am stress.I told her,more or less definitely there's stress.Then Mr Gana says,she's more stress about her leg,worry about people stepping on it and....
Actually i am not stress about my leg,but rather,i am stress about my study which I did not say it out in the car.When i missed lessons,it stress me even more.
monday already missed whole day of lesson because of e fall.then yesterday missed half day of lessons due to medical appointment =.=
Madam Rohayati,thanks for sending me home.

Yesterday went to NUH to see Dr Khoo and get e result of e urine test which was done just before school reopen.The result was alright and my blood pressure was normal.However,as there's no family history of this,i had to be monitor.So every 3 months had to do e urine test.After that will be every 6months then once a year.The very next one coming up is on 15April...

Yesterday after i went back to school,only left chemistry lesson and english lesson...
After school had chemistry practical.After that supposed to have chemistry bridging,but i think it's because she had to go to somewhere else then bridging for chemistry cancelled.As TingKai did not know what time e practical will end,his dad did not fetch him home.Thus did not take a lift from him...i wonder if it's chemistry every thursday after school or alternate with physics.

After that i told Mrs Leong about it.Then she told me to go home in a cab myself as she was rushing off.Soon it started to rain heavily.After a while,Mrs Leong came to me and told me it was cancelled.She can send me home,but have to wait for her to settle something then fetch her daughter then can send me home.I told her alright,since it was raining so heavily.A while later,she came to me and told me that it had resumed and told me to wait for her.After that she went to get her car.YiKai was waiting for e rain to stop,so he sat on e bench and chat with me.I asked him to teach me amaths,which i had missed out that day.Half way through our conversation,we heard someone calling my name.It turned out that Mrs Leong was e one calling out me.Mr Han then came to me and told me that Mrs Leong was calling me.Sorry Mrs Leong,i did not know that you were calling me .After that she told me faster pack up,then when i was at e ramp,she told me that Ms Mok will send me home and told Ms Mok that she will meet her later.Soon,just after we left school shortly,Mrs Leong called me.She wanted to talk to Ms Mok as Ms Mok did not answer her call just now.Then from what Ms Mok reply her,i roughly know what their conversation is about.Ms Mok,thanks for sending me home.

Lastly,thanks for everone's help.I am very sorry for e inconvenients caused... ...

2010-01-15T16:50:00.001+08:00

2010-01-14T22:02:00.003+08:00

Oh dear! What's happening to me?It's just barely 2 weeks and i am starting to feel all e stress and all.Besides that,i feel that i get tired more easily than before.Even when i sleep early,after i wake up the next morning,it's like i only slept for a few hours,e feeling of lack of sleep.Recently i seems to be distracted easily.My mood swing seems to be back =.= trouble spells ... ...

WHY DID IT TURN OUT THIS WAY?!?!?

2010-01-11T17:10:00.005+08:00

Today got back the result for o level emaths.Just before physics lesson end,my heart already started racing and i had that fear in me.At the 2nd period of ce,my heart went even faster.I made my way to the hall with heavy foot steps.I got D7.As everyone was seated,waiting for their result,Ms Tang approached me and told me that i did not make it for o level emaths.On e spot,i cried.It is something i did not expect myself to get at all.To me,it's a very great deal for me.I expected myself to at the very least get a C or B.Where exactly did it went wrong,or rather where did i went wrong?What exactly happened to me?Is it because of my careless mistake that killed me in that paper?

2010-01-10T19:19:00.003+08:00

Time flies.Tomorrow is the second week of school and the release of G.C.E. O Level results.I hope i can get at least a C for Emaths.I can't wait to get the result for Emaths,but at the same time feeling a bit nervous and scared about it.

Bridging programme is going to start real soon.Gonna be more busy....

On saturday went to paragon for dental.Now the bracing for the teeth on the lower jaw have started,i could barely chew.The ache is getting worse.Hope it won't be so bad that i have to take pain killers,pain killers will make me fall asleep.I doubt i will be able to play dizi for this entire week due to the ache on my teeth.Besides that,my mom is objecting me to play dizi till i have fully recover from the operation.Now when i laugh,the surgical side still hurts.My mom now only allow me to go back co to help but not to practice dizi. =.=

All e best to everyone who's getting their O Level result tomorrow.

2010-01-01T12:39:00.002+08:00

Goodbye to 2009.Let me think...

What have i achieved in 2009?
What have i done in 2009?
Did i met my goals?
Did i made any improvements through out 2009?
What did i experienced in 2009?
Do i have any regrets in 2009?

I think in terms of academic,i did achieved something,which is being able to make it to sec5.To a certain extent i think i did improved,however there are certain stuffs which i think i could have done better.Of course being able to make it to sec5 is one of my goals.As for cca,i am not too sure if i have done it.Which is inspiring my dear juniors to have that ever burning passion for dizi.In certain areas for dizi,i think i did improved.However i am still not very satisfied with it.Come to think of it,i think i have not touch my dizi for at least two months,feeling rather bad about it.I strongly believed that my dear juniors have the ability to surpass us and scale greater heights in co as long as they work hard enough.Of all the goals that i set for myself for 2009,some are met,some are not,which is also a regret to me.This regret is not being able to help co get goh for syf.For this,i don't blame anyone else.I only blamed myself for doing better in my solo part,at such that which i think i could have done better.In 2009,i think i have went through a lot,experiencing the sweet,bitter,sour,spicy.Some of you must be thinking,where do all these comes from?Well,these comes from my academic,co and of course some personal things.Of all the things that happened to me,i think they have made me became stronger and better person.Better as in the sense of thinking and personality.As for now,when something happens and i had no control or choice over it,i will just tell myself,leave it to fate and gods.

In our life,some people are passer by,some are not.I believed that if there's fate,we will meet again =)

New goals for 2010?

> pass all my subject with flying colour,be it minor test or major exam...more As instead of Bs in my result slip
>improve both dizi and guitar skills.
>have a balance between co,studies,guitar and play/times to hang out with friends.
>all family,friends and love ones safe,healthy and happy.
>become a better person

that's all i can think of at the moments ...

I thereby wish everyone,a happy and healthy new year :D

2009-12-26T11:14:00.002+08:00

Lucky now it's getting better.I don't have that kind of feelings at night anymore....

I am getting better now from my operation.It only hurt when i laugh too much.When i sneeze or cough,it don't really hurt as much anymore :)

Yesterday evening went to amk hub with my mom to shop.lol some of you reading this blog must be thinking,i should be resting instead of going on a shopping spree.haha anyway,we only shopped for about 2hours plus only.We only bought 2 polo tee and some stuffs from ntuc.lol
Looking forward to this coming tuesday :D

2009-12-23T23:23:00.003+08:00

Weird... ...

I am starting to find myself weird.I have no idea if it's because of mood swing or the hormones in my body or any other reason.This keep happening for the past few nights till now.It's a rather unpleasant feeling for me.The feeling is like,something is bothering me,but i have no idea what exactly it is.The feeling is also like a bit of uncertainties,stress and burden,like a bit of everything.But what exactly are they?.Even when i went to the supermarket with my mom to get some stuffs,i don't seems to be happy or be in my usual mood.I seems to be out of sorts.I have no idea at all what exactly is happening to me.Neither do i know why.I hope there will be a stop to this... ...

I have made it xD

2009-12-18T17:03:00.002+08:00

Today is the release of N' level results.Make a guess how many point i got???I got 16 points!!I have made it to sec5!!whooooooo...!!!!I am rather satisfied with my results except for chinese,which i only managed to get a B4.However i am glad that i did not end up with any C grade or any ungraded.I passed all my subject,including humanities!I actually got a B3 for humanities which i did not expect at all!For once,i passed both social studies and geography together.Finally i passed geography!For the social studies i remembered that i did not manage to finish it and for geography i have questions which i dd not know how to do.For amaths,i managed to get a B4!phew....lucky it's not a C.

Here's a summary of my results :

English : B3
Combined Humanities : B3
AMaths : B4
Maths : A2
Combined Science : B4
Chinese : B4
Chinese(oral) : Merit

Overall i am very happy with my results.One thing that shock me is that i actually got B3 for humanities.Although i did not manage to get a A for chinese,at least i did not have any C.I must work harder and have more As in my result next year.

2009-12-13T17:09:00.004+08:00

I have been hospitalized for a week,started 2 days before the operation,which is on 6 dec late afternoon.On the first day was still alright,settling down and stuffs.The very first day i am admitted,i was being out on drip.On the second day afternoon,Madam Suhailah came to visit me.I was rather surprised by her arrival.I thought she will visit me only after my operation.Thanks Madam Suhailah.Initially i did not feel that scared,but after dinner in e late evening,i busted out in tears,crying.I don't know why i did not manage to hold out longer,did not manage to face it with calmly.At that point of time it's just a little more to go and yet i could not hold it.It took me quite a while to calm down.After my parents left,i sat there,staring at the empty space.Until 12midnight,i still could not get to sleep,stuffs about the operation kept appearing on my mind.On that day i had no idea what time i fell asleep.The very next day,which is the operation day,i woke up on 6 plus in the morning.After i woke up,i sat there staring at empty space again for a while before moving on to wash up.After i washed up,i sat there staring at empty space again.After that,my tears started to flow.Soon,Dr Khoo and another doctor came(sorry forgot her name...) to check on me.Then my mom arrived.I hugged her and cried.Soon,a nurse came and asked me to change into the grown for the operation.At that point of time,it was still in the morning.Initially i was told that my operation was in the afternoon.Then it just happened so sudden.Sudden in the sense of time.From the ward to the operation theater,till i was put to sleep(anesthetic),i cried all e way.After the operation,i was at ICU as it was a major operation and have to be in ICU for at least a day to ensure that everything was fine.For this operation,i had at least 4 needles inserted into my body,3 of it were only removed a day after the operation,before i was being transferred to the general ward leaving 1 needle in my hand.After the operation at the ICU,my left hand was numb for quite a while.Then due to the drip,i was swelling,including my eyes.At the ICU,at 4 plus in the morning,2 nurse came to wipe my body with cold water.OMG.With the air-con,i am already cold enough,already covering 2 blankets and they still use cold water.lol at that point if time i was shivering in cold.After i have been transferred to e general ward,at the same time,they wake me up from my sleep to wipe my body.It's so.... =.= Then the next day at the same time asked me if i wanna bath =.= You all can imagine bathing with a needle and wounds in you =.=

After the operation i could hardly walk due to e pain and i had no strength to do so.At such that even when something as simple as going to the toilet,i needed help :(
Lucky now it is better,just that at times it hurts,especially when i cough or laugh or sneeze.lol.
Now i am able to walk,just that i walk very slow.I wonder if i can make it on friday to get my result.I think even i go back,i don't think i can wear my uniform as the skirt i cant wear at my waist and it will cause some obstruction to my wound.I think will have to wear pe attire but have to get permission first....shall see how it goes....

Thanks for everyone's concern and support.I feel so bad that you all go to all the expenses....

Come to think of the operation i still feel that it's a bit scary even though it's over.However i think that i have gained more than i lost in one way or another.

Once again,thanks everyone =).

2009-11-29T18:45:00.005+08:00

Today went to have breakfast with Ms Tang at Macs.She was asking me about my high blood pressure condition and the operation i will be undergoing next week.She gave me a book.I shall pen down my thoughts,feelings and whatever i want to tell Ms tang about,in the book then ask her out some day after i am discharge from the hospital or after my operation then let her read the book.It's a nice and cute book =)
After finish eating,we chat for quite a while before leaving... ...
I don't know why,i used ti be able to be quite open up when speaking to her.But today,i just can't seem to be more open up.I just don't know what got into me.

Initially,when i was told that there was a need for operation,i did not feel very scared or worried.But,as the days get closer to the operation date,or rather the date of admission,i start to feel more scared,worried and a little of stress which i don't know why.But it's more stress than scared.They seems to be increasing.At times i just feel like crying even at the thought of it.I dared not cry or appear to be scared or what in the presence of my family.My mom is really worried and scared as well,I don't want to worsen it =.=
Then because of my high blood pressure operation,i have to postpone my dental treatment...

Today after the breakfast with Ms Tang,i went home to tidy up my pig sty... ...

Since i did not manage to complete the Amaths TYS before the exam,i shall bring it to the hospital with me on e 6dec.It's better than just "east and sleep" all day long at the hospital which is so fattening.My brain have already started turning 'rusty'.I did niot touch any maths for almost a month after my exam.When i was doing the Amaths paper Ms Tang gave us just after our exam,there are questions which i forget how to do.omg.i better keep doing till school starts.If not it's going to be a diffcult time for me when i go to sec5...Cant wait to get my results ... ...

2009-11-26T23:27:00.001+08:00

Hi,for more information about the medical terms,please visit this web:

http://www.medicinenet.com/pheochromocytoma/article.htm

2009-11-26T22:29:00.002+08:00

The date for the operation have been fixed.I will be undergoing the operation on 8th December.However,i have to be admitted 2 days before the operation which is 6 December(1500).After the operation,i will have to stay at the hospital for about a week...

Now i have a type of feeling which i don't know how to describe... ...

However i will try my best to hang in there and be more positive,because i know i have the full support of everybody.Thanks everyone.

2009-11-10T20:06:00.005+08:00

A very unpleasant day ......

On sunday,i took the last quarter of medicine left for my pulse.After that i did not feel uncomfortable at all.As my appointment to see Dr Khoo was today morning,i thought there's no harm not taking that particular medicine for just one day.Never did i expect my heart to beat so fast,to a rate such that 120+ per minute.After that i really feel that something is not quite right and i could feel that my heart was beating fast too.This resulted in me unable to go to work.I called up Dr Khoo immediately and had to go to NUH to get that particular medicine.In the past when i only take the medicine for my high blood pressure,i never felt this way before.Now without this medicine only i became like that.This makes me feel as if i have became a drug addict =.=
After i have taken the medicine,i went home and i slept through till late evening.I just felt so tired.

Today i went to NUH to know the result of the CT scan before going for work.The tumor above my kidney have became e size of a tennis ball(about 2cm by 4cm).What is confirmed is that i must go for operation to remove that tumor.What i got is a cancer i think,but it's not the typ that multiply all over the body.The name of it is "PHAECHROMOCYTOMA".The operation will take place in december.This month on e 26 i will be meeting the surgeons who will be doing the operation for me.Then on the 3rd december i have to see Dr Khoo.Dr khoo also say that a day before the operation i will have to be hospitalised and be on drip to ensure that i am hydrated before the operation.After all it is a major operation.I won't say that i am totally not afraid or worry about it.You all may see me appearing to be no worry or afraid in front of my mom,because i dont want her to worry so much as she is already very worried.If you see that in me when i am working,it will be because of the job.... ....

As for now to when i see the surgeon,i will have to think of questions to ask the surgeon least i have any regrets when i go for the operation.Currently,what i thought of was to ask how long will the operation take and how long will i need to stay in the hospital.Readers,feel free to give suggestions.Thanks.

I wont say today is very busy.During the "lunch time",it was rather quiet.Then the customer was sort of coming in quite slowly.Then i was practically standing almost the whole of 6 hours work except when i am eating my lunch.But when i was eating half way,left a mouthful,customer came in.So i had to attend to them.Now my legs are really super tried.lol then when the customer asked for milk tea,guesses what i served them?I dont know what exactly was on my mind,i actually served them the chinese tea with milk.omg.What they wanted was the "english tea with milk"then i was....then boss came over and helped me out.lol.
Then i think i am not careful enough that the basin was more than 50% jammed.Hope tomorrow i will be able to do something to alleviate it.....

somebody,please give me the courage to let me go though all these.

2009-11-05T20:27:00.002+08:00

today i made a error at the tea house again when i was keying the machine.just that last step only,i press the wrong button =.= i forgot to press the button with the two 0.

After work,at 5 plus,i was talking to Alice.I asked her how she feel about my work,as in my work performance.She say that i have yet to catch it,as in the system,how should it be.She also said that i need to smile more often.Well,perhaps i am just too serious or tensed up.She then told me what i have to do.

The following week is gonna be more hectic for sure.This is because Alice is going to China for stock take,but monday she will still be around =)

I must show improvements on monday.To me,it's a must.I want to be up to expectations.

I dont know why,recently i am quite forgetful.Today,before i leave,i left my watch at the counter.Some how,as i was walking to the station,i remembered it.So i went back to take,but i just did not remember to sign out.On monday i must remember to get it done....

wa this time so accurate sia.It came yesterday morning when i just started work.Don't know why,first time gets so horrible that it disturbed my sleep.Then this morning,I had no appetite at all.Eventually i still ate something as i need to take my medicine.It only become a bit better at lunch time,but i ate less than usual.As a result of that,i was sort of moody or rather emo today,then did not smile much at working when attending to customer....
I just hope that it will not worsen the next few days -_-

2009-11-04T20:55:00.002+08:00

Today's work was alright.Due to the rain,there wasn't not a lot of customer.It is coming to the end of the week soon.I have been working at the tea house for almost a week soon.I wonder how do the manager,Alice,and the boss thinks about my work performance,hope they are satisfied with my work performance.but i think they sure say that i need to be more careful.....hmmm shall ask Alice tomorrow.Most of my chats with Alice,more or less have talked a bit about my domestic affairs.I think she just want to know more about me.Soon,next week,she is going to China for stock take for the whole week.i wonder how am i going to manage...Although that time did ask her if she wanna hire one more people to work,she say maybe when she's at china.Which means it's not confirm yet.gotta ask her tomorrow,but if she say dont want then forget it....Too bad they dont need me to work on weekends or work the whole day on weekdays.If not i will be able to earn more money.Haha but i got an idea,when Koen is unable to work on weekends,then i cover his work on weekends.Although i have learnt quite a fair bit of things from the job,there's still a lot for me to learn at the tea house.To be frank,i enjoyed this job.Each time after work,i looked forward to the next day of work at the tea house xD

lol still owe my dear juniors a meal.Promised them to treat them a meal after syf.But gotta wait for panda to come back from her holiday oversea trip first.Most probably will treat them at e tea house i am working at.....

Looking forward to nypco concert,work and treating my dear juniors xD and of course earning more money.hahahahaha xP

This friday going for CT scan at nuh '_' gotta spend a lot of money again ....just hope that everything will turn out fine... ....
But recently my blood pressure was rather high.I think it's because i drank quite a lot of tea which contains caffeine.After that i only drink 'white tea' which alice said that it does not contain any caffeine at all.Then my blood pressure did lower a little because i did not take those tea with caffine.However,Dr khoo says there's still caffine in it.lol how man?I can't dont trust him as he is my doctor.But i also trust alice.how?!?!?now it's like i am a bit caught in the middle like that.I dont really understand why he says 'white tea' also have caffeine :/

lalalalala~~~~~

2009-11-03T21:39:00.002+08:00

Today's work was alright.I start to have a sense.I reached just before 11am.Then i realised that Alice was not in.I did as usual then boss came over.He told me to sweep e floor if it's dirty.I looked around e floor then i realised he was hinting me to sweep the floor.After that he went to rest.At about 1130 when i was e last part of preparation work before the "lunch" hour,a customer came in.Thus i had to attend to him.He ordered Lemon Tea.Lucky i have already learnt how to make this drink and it turns out that it was to his liking.From there i get a sense of satisfaction which i never get before from doing this kind of stuffs : D After the "lunch" hour when i was transporting e tea cups to the other side where it usually are,about a meter away,the cover just dropped.it dropped on to the table.Lucky me,it did not break.Then i went to get the rest of the cups,2 by 2.then i just move a little bit only,then cover dropped again =.= Initially it was placed nicely on e cup.i don't understand why or how come it will drop.However i managed to prevent it from breaking with my leg.Then it was like between my thigh and the freezer.Phew!Then Alice was like "why you do things this way?"Alice reached just before the "lunch" hour.When she came in,her face looked stern and like some thing bad have happened.After that slowly went back to normal.

About 15minutes after our lunch,Alice and i were cleaning the table thoroughly.Wow!I did not even clean my house's table till like that lor.lol After that we were drinking tea and cooling down.haha then Boss treated us waffles.Then Alice treated me tea leaves egg.yummy yummy : P haha looking forward to tomorrow 's work xD Too bad,they dont want me to work on saturday.Hmmn...if possible,i wanna work as much as possible so that i can earn more money.hahaha

WORK

2009-11-02T21:26:00.002+08:00

Working at tea house was fine.I learned quite a fair bit of things.When it's the lunch hour,the busiest time,when everything have to be fast,i don't feel stress at all.At the tea house,it's a pleasant feeling.Anyone who want to have some quiet and relax,can go to e tea house.The people there are pleasant and somewhat interesting in one way or another.

Today at work i made quite a bit of error.The first one was when i was going to set e table.At that point of time,I was at a spot which is a bit narrow.Then someone was walking towards me,I dodged and the plates hit e counter,"PIANG" =.= then Alice was like looking at me i think.Lucky the plates or e counter side did not break.The second one was terrible.I feel as if there's something wrong with my eyes.I actually gave e wrong bill to the customer.This was only found out when other customer ask for the bill >.< The customer who i gave i wrong bill to,had left and they have paid a dollar less of what they should pay in e original bill.OMG. My head nearly drop.The third one was when i was washing e cups with soap.The basin was quite deep.As it was slippery,i dropped the flitter of the cup on to e cap which was on e cup,"PIANG".Alice came over and see what happen.Phew,it did not break.If not i dont know what will happen...

lol readers reading this post must be thinking,"how clumsy i am" haha

2009-10-27T18:44:00.003+08:00

Yesterday had emaths paper1,still considered ok i think,but at least 10 marks fly away =.=

On monday,after e remedial,i was some how reluctant to leave.I had that sudden fear & stress in me.i left e school with heavy foot steps...In e afternoon i don't feel that bad.But at night,I felt rather stressed.However on tuesday afternoon when i was doing e paper,i don't really feel stress.Instead,i was clam.Can say that i am doing e paper quite peacefully,a bit like i am doing homework like that,but a bit engrossed in it.Or focus i will say...

Today's paper2 was not too good i will say,because at least 20 marks gone >.<
Lucky i managed to finish both e papers.Today's paper2 last few sub-question did in a rush,which resulted in that ugly hand writing of mind.lol but it is still illegible.

This friday will be going to meet Dr Khoo again.Shall ask him if i can take lifesaving course.I think my mom wants me not to take up the course as i have high blood pressure.However i am still keen on taking up e course,but wanna know what he thinks of it.I have not let Coach Isaac know about it yet....On 6 nov gotta go for CT scan... ...

I am glad that i got a job now.I am starting work this coming saturday at a tea house.My mom is currently out of job and she's e sole bread winner.I shall try to work as many days as i can to earn more money to help her out financially.I hopped that i can at least pay for my own medical fees and if possible,help my mom with some of e bills... ...

Now, N levels and O level emaths are over.I can have a good rest before i continue to strive.

2009-10-16T21:40:00.004+08:00

Somehow,there's fear and stress which i dont know how to put across...

I think what bothering me e most is about my high blood pressure and e coming o level emaths... ...

Today went to see doctor at nuh.I have to continue to take medicine.I have to wait till my blood pressure is lower and my heart rate is slower then can do e CT scan....
I have already done e ultrasound scan on e kidney.They found one 2cm unidentified lump.The doctor told me,my adrenaline level was 5 times of that of a normal person.They suspect that it is that 2cm unidentified lump caused e high blood pressure.If it's really that,then i have to go for operation and remove it.....

Due to my high blood pressure,i cannot do strenuous exercise or play strenuous sports =.=
At most is slow swim >.<>.<>.<

Now i think i just prioritise myself and do whatever i can and get myself ready for e exam.As for my high blood pressure,i think i can only monitor it at home,take medicine and take e doctor advise.There is nothing much i can do about it.

2009-10-15T23:02:00.002+08:00

On monday went to nuh for follow up on my high blood pressure.I was given an additional medicine which i had to take on top of e medicine i am taking.It is to slow down e rate of my heartbeat.

For e past few days,i dont quite know or understand what got into me.I could not focus on my study.I just simply had problems concentrating.When i could not concentrate over a period of time and unable to get things done,i feel frustrated.This resulted in my homework undone or half done with many mistakes :(

However,i am glad that i was able to concentrate on my study today.Hope this will last long enough at least till exam is over.

Tonight's night study did mock paper.I think i flunked it.A few questions was done before but i could not do it.Initially i planed to clarify my doubts and all,but Ms Tang say we do e mock paper either today or friday morning.Friday morning i had to go to nuh to see doctor for my high blood pressure stuffs which was supposed to be on thursday afternoon.Somehow,i regretted changing my appointment from thursday afternoon to friday morning.If i did not change it,i will be able to clarify my doubts and everything before taking e mock paper and i wil be able to score better for e paper =.=

Weekend is approaching.The number of days to O level Emaths is getting shorter and shorter.Very Soon,it will be less than a week to the exam,but i feel that i am not really ready for it yet.Gotta work very hard before the day arrives... ...

2009-10-09T20:03:00.005+08:00

It have been quite some time since i last touch my laptop.ok,notebook to be exact.I have been busy preparing for N level.Today was my last paper for N level,amaths paper2.I dont have much confident in passing amaths.For paper2,already 24 marks gone.Today during paper2 i had mental block.Of all e time it choose to come at this point of time.It's just a bit more for me to go only and i get mental block =.=

Coming up next for me will be O level Emaths.All i can do now is practice and practice... ...

On thursday I went to NUH to see Dr Khoo.For my case of high blood pressure,i will say that it's a little complicated,i don't have any of the symptoms.My adrenaline level is too high.The adrenaline controls e blood vessels.It can make e vessels become very small or very big.Then e heart will beat very fast or very slow.My blood pressure becomes like a roller coaster,going up and down.Dr Khoo told me that my blood pressure must be lowered before i can go for the ct scan.He prescribed me another medicine.I am told that they cannot predict what will happen to me.My case is a very rare case.Usually 8 out of 10 will be fine,but who knows what's going to happen e next day or e next hour?If something is to happens to me,it's going to be very serious,being admitted to hospital and become life threatening.So,mean time i will need to see the doctor regularly.Currently i am on medication.With all these things,i am starting to feel a little bit scary,because i never know what's going to happen to me the very next minute.Initially, i don't feel scared or worried until thursday after i see Dr Khoo.
As much as i try not to be so stressed up,i still feel stressed in one way or another.My mom is rather worried about me due to all these things.Furthermore,my medical expenses are increasing,such that it can go beyond $200 in a month,which is rather scary.Then because of all these things,i tend to get mood swing,like roller coaster like that.Pardon me if i give terrible attitude or become very harsh.

For now,i just hope that nothing bad will happen to me and everything will turn out fine... ...

Why?

2009-09-29T15:54:00.004+08:00

I don't know what really got into me today.I seems to be so bothered about the matters regarding my high blood pressure.Today during Maths remedial,I can't concentrate.The matters regarding my high blood pressure keep appearing on my mind.The feeling is like it just happened a few minutes ago.This resulted in me,unable to adsorb everything that Ms Tang went through =.=

Until now,matters regarding my high blood pressure is still appearing on my mind... ...

My blood pressure just goes up and down like a roller coaster :(

Now,it's less than a week to G.C.E. N level and my stress level is uncertain....

2009-09-27T08:09:00.008+08:00

Things have not been going very well for me recently.I got back my emaths prelims result.I failed both paper 1 and paper 2.I got 45/100 and 38/80.Now,I can only work harder to get e result I wanted.... ...

On wednesday when i woke up,don't know why i felt giddy.After a while,I don't feel that giddy and I went to school.In e afternoon,i felt giddy again.Due to this,I slept in class during e self-study period.After I went home,i took a nap.When i woke up,I felt giddy again.It just goes on and off.On thursday morning when i woke up,i felt giddy again.This time it lasted for quite some time,such that i could not go to school and had to go to e doctor instead...

On friday I went to NUH to see Dr Khin for my test reports.From e urine test,they found something.My high blood pressure was caused by some hormones found in e adrenal gland,an organ which is above e kidney.She suspected that there's a tumor in it.Further scans gotta be done to confirm it.However,before I can go for e scan,I have to take certain medicines for a period of time.The medicine that doctor prescribed me some medicine.It had horrible side effects .That night,after i took that medicine,i had a terrible nasal congestion.The nose block was so horrible that I had to breath with my mouth instead of my nose.When i woke up e next morning,it was only slightly better.However,after I took e medicine for e second time,the nasal congestion worsen.The blockage of my nose was so sever,such that it was fully blocked.The only way for me to breath is though my mouth.Soon,I started to have difficulty breathing,such that i was panting,lacking of oxygen.By e time my mom reached home to take me to e hospital,I was already looking very pale and my hands were cold.My mom bought me to NUH emergency.As I was waiting to be attended by e doctor there,my hands became numb.The doctor contacted Dr Khin and discuss about it.After which,I was told to discontinue use of that medicine and I was Prescribed medicine to alleviate my nasal congestion.The appointment to see Dr Khin was being bought forward from wednesday to monday.

Today I was stunned for 3 times at NUH.lol.The first time was during the registration,when they told me to proceed to room 10 to see Dr Khoo.The second time was when i received a call from Dr Khin when I am inside room 10.The third time was when I was answering the call.By right I an supposed to see Dr Khin first before I see Dr Khoo.They just told me to go to room 10 to see Dr Khoo.At first I thought it was Dr Khin's arrangement to let me see Dr Khoo directly.Then I realised it's because Dr Khoo reached there before Dr Khin.I think Dr Khin called me as she think i forgotten about e appointment.If I were to see Dr khoo directly,Dr Khin will not be calling me already.lol.Anyway,after my blood test,Dr Khin happens to have no patients in her room.So i dropped by and asked if she's looking for me.Then I realised that she's just concerns about me.
My next appointment will be at 12 oct.I will have to see Dr Khoo before I do e CT scan that day.On that day,I also have to do some other test :(

Even though Dr Khoo is now handling my case,I think that Dr khin is somehow in one way or another,nicer that Dr Khoo.I prefer Dr Khin.haha I think I have already add her in facebook.lol

A lot of money is already spent on this.Whatever it is,I just hope that everything will just turn out fine... ...

Lastly,thanks everyone for your concerns xD

Updates... ...

2009-09-09T23:00:00.000+08:00

N' level started on Monday,7sept. Monday was Chinese paper 1 & 2.Although e exam was held in e hall,during paper 1,I keep sweating as if i am under e hot sun.Lucky I did not sweat as much for paper 2.The paper was still alright.
Tuesday was Chinese paper 3 and Combined Humanities(SS) paper.The Chinese paper 3 was alright but the SS paper was horrible.I flunked it again.When I am doing e essay half way,i got mental block.Of all time,e mental block start when i am having exams.I hate it :(
Today had English paper 1 & 2.today's paper was ok.After i finished counting e numbers of words for my composition,I was surprised.I actually wrote more than 800 words.This was e first time i wrote so much for composition. lol .

There's maths lesson tomorrow from 1100 to 1400.I am thinking if should I go swimming before going for lesson... ...
shall go to bed soon...bye =)

SHOULD I OR SHOULD I NOT...... ......CONTRADICTIONS... ...

2009-08-21T23:26:00.002+08:00

I have got back my prelims results,not very satisfy with it.I am glad that i managed to pass Amaths.However I am rather upset that i got metal block during Amaths paper1 and e Social Studies paper.I would be able to get better grades if i am not so careless and get metal block =.=

Once again,i failed my Combined Humanity.I failed both Social Studies and Geography.I got 24/50 for Social Studies and 20/50 for Geography.All e while my grade for Social Studies is better than the grade for Geography.I have been failing Geography since sec3.This year after I failed Geography mid year exam,i had e thoughts of giving up this subject and put my full focus on other subject to get to sec5.Humanities is e subject that i have the least confident in.It's something i have been struggling with for a very long time.Now,to me,it's still a struggle.I still have e thoughts to give up e subject now,or rather i am considering about this seriously.But of course i will not absent myself in e N' level for this subject,because it's too late for me to back out or drop this subject at this point of time.If i am really dropping this subject,it will be when i am in sec5...But by dropping this subject,i do feel a bit guilty towards Mrs Ess.She have done so much for us....Now before i come to any decision regarding this matter,i would like to have e opinions/advise of some people,especially Mrs Ess,Madam Suhailah,Ms tang and some other people.Besides this,i must also find out if i will need humanities to get into poly... ...This have been bothering me for quite a long time already.Hope to come to a decision soon... ...

AS the day passes to prelim to N level,my BP becomes less stable.It goes up whenever i am stressed up.Some times when that happens,i get irritated very easily,which affect my BP as well...Hope it will not go too high,if not i will be in trouble...

Updates =)

2009-08-14T21:55:00.000+08:00

time for some update.....

Prelims is finally over today.I don't know all e results yet,i only know that i got 45/60 for chinese paper2 and 34/70 for amaths paper 1.hope e rest of e results are fine...have been busy mugging for e prelims....

I realised something.I can focus better after i swim....surprisingly,i could remember so much things for geog.e night before e geog paper,i was still trying to memorise.but before that went for a swim.i gusses i was too stressted up that i actually swam 28 lap.lol.then whenever i am stressed up,during e papers,i will sweat alot.today is e worse of all.Although today is only amaths paper2,during e paper i sweat till almost my whole shirt is wet,at least 3quarter of it,then become very disgusting.First time sweat till like that in exam...hope next time i wont sweat till like that...

today evening went to swim.there's alot of ppl at e pool today.It made me difficult to swim laps today,because i keep having to dodge here ad there.I am planing to have a swim frequently,so that 1-i wont be so stressed and can focus better on my study,2-train for stamina and muscles strength for my coming lifesaving course starting in nov.haha in e precess of e course,can also starts training for next year's napfa then next year napfa i can get a better grade xD

After my O 'level emaths exam,i am taking lifesaving course.perhaps will take up e part time job as lifeguard after e course to earn some money to lighten my mom's burdens and of course buy some of e stuffs that i wanted.....all i need is to pass 3 subject in N' level,a min. bronze cert which i already have,and a lifesaving cert.i got this info from e notice board outside yck swimming complex,cause they wanna recruit lifeguards....this is only temporary.ultimately it is not what i want to be as my full time career.haha those who knows me well enough will know what's e ultimate career that i wants xD but even though after i get a e full time job of what i wanted,may still be a part time lifeguard,can earn more money and also enjoy a bit more.haha

lol dont know why,facebook have been lagging for quite some time.i wonder if there's something wrong with e web.hope it will stop lagging... ...

2009-07-28T23:14:00.000+08:00

time for me to update.....
after previous post i had been mugging...

last week friday night had fever then saturday morning went to e doctor.When i reached e clinic,omg,so many people.Then i waited like an hour just to see e doctor.lol
the doctor gave me 7 days mc =.=
now i am alright just have cough and a bit of sore throat.thanks everyone for your concern :)

today i think i have really wasted alot of time.I have been stonning at home,did not really study much...tmr must study le,if not by e time when i go back school i will be in a very bad stituation....tmr must start muging again...

2009-07-14T21:54:00.002+08:00

Within a few days only and my work seems to be piling up already.lol
Yesterday was a very long day at school.School only ends at 2.55,but after that have remedial till 4+.During remedial because i was already very tired,then i was not doing much thinking.Iwas copying notes rather then thinking.lol...By e time i reached home was 5+.When i was doing my social studies stuff,copying e corrections,i keep making errors,having lots of spelling mistakes,missing a few words here and there,then all those funny stuffs start coming up...keep doing e wrong things....haha thats me when i am too tired...lol

temporoary won't be online that often...

Today i am also rather tired...shall go to sleep soon...

Beautiful Sunday @ Esplanade

2009-07-12T21:40:00.005+08:00

Today went to the esplanade to watch the "beautiful suday" concert by NYPCO.It''s finally here.hahaha=) It's a fantastic performance by e NYPCO.All e songs were very nice,but e one i loved e most is "Xiang Gang Ai Qing Zu Qu".When zls say they gonna play that song,jane and i screamed,lol then our juniors behind us say e two of us crazy.hahaha xD coz we really loved that song.I really enjoyed myself...'wo tao zui zai na mei miao de yin yue zhong" hehehe
Thanks for e fantastic performance people =)
After watching e concert we went to wait for Koen and Joanne at the exit to stage door.
Here are some of e photos we took....

lol i looked like a retard in this photo...lol

2009-07-11T20:48:00.003+08:00

Yesterday left school early to go to NUH.I had blood test and urine test...wa first time used so much blood for blood test lor.my first blood test was at e polyclinic to find out my blood type,only used 1 tube of my blood.This time at e NUH,it was 3 tube of my blood.Then e tube was bigger that those at polyclinic.After the blood test then went to see e doctor.After that went for urine test...
The doctor wanted me to wear a device for 24hour to check if my bp is really that high when i am doing my normal activites.Thursday morning go there get e device,then friday morning then go back there return.This makes me miss lessons...especially maths T_T
Then 24 july still have to go back to see e doctor and get my blood test and urine test reports...

The blood test was for e blood cells count,e kidney and another one dont know what geryscine(dont know if spelled correctly)...

The doctor say i might have to do other tests....looks like a number of test is waiting for me...

On e way home on e mrt i felt very tired such that my eyes cant wait to close and sleep... ...

Hope everything will be fine... ...

Today i did not do much stuffs.most of e time i was sleeping...The whole day feeling very sleepy and tired.I wonder if iy's because of e blood test which used up 3 tube full of my blood yesterday or it's because i sleep too much :(

lalalala~~~

2009-07-09T23:16:00.002+08:00

today's N' el oral was alright.The examiner was rather friendly,just that i stuttered a bit when i was reading e passage.The dental checkup was alright,it was just to ensure that my teeth are alright...
haizzz....tmr gotta go NUH T_T

Today's chinese lesson was fun.This was e first time in this yeaar that chinese lesson become so fun.Had lots of fun with all e provebs.hahaha =) Hope every chinese lesson can be this fun.lol.

Gotta go to sleep soon..

Good and sweet dreams ppl =)

2009-07-08T23:39:00.002+08:00

Haha.quite a bit for me to update.
on monday had fun with Koen and Joanne at vivo.I meet Koen at e Prime Deli outlet at amk central to get cake for Joanne before meeting Joanne at vivo.Intially wanted to get e care bear cake for her,e "Funshine bear" cake for her.tood bad dont have.coz we did not pre-order.We wanted to watch movie(ice age) at vivo,lol we forgot that its youth day and e tickets were sort of sold out.If i known this i would have book e tickets online.lol.Then we went to play arcade.The arcade there was not very big,there was quite a number of changes since e last time i went there.Now there are 4 pool tables,some of e games machine were no longer there.we play till we get bored and we started playing pool at e arcade.Then koen and Joanne taught me how to play pool.Thanks for teaching me how to play.haha but i now sort of forgortten e rules.lol...after that everyone's hungry then koen say wanted to try Marche,germany food restaurant.Thanks for e treat Koen.After that Joanne say wanted to go Candy Empire and buy sweets.After that we took e mrt...i went home and they went to nyp for co practice...

haha e " beautiful sunday" concert is coming...in a few says time.hahaha.looking forward to that.

the next few days gonna be hectice days for me.tmr have oral,after that got emaths remedial then after that have to go for dental review.
then fri gotta go to NUH for check up...hope everything will be fine =)

Foul Mood... ...

2009-07-03T22:13:00.004+08:00

Today dont know what happened to me.I had a very sudden mood swing which started after recess chemistry lesson.This is one of e worst mood swing i ever experienced.I could not concentrate at all and copyed e stuffs without thinking.After chemistry was geography,but i was still having mood swing.Then continued copyed without thinking.Besides having mood swing,my thoughts are also running wild at e same time.The stress seems to be killing me.As the number of days gets closer to prelims,N level,Omaths,e more stressed i become.Then the demands from some of e teachers also adds on to my stress level.I think because of my stress and now i got high blood pressure...I wonder if it's because of my stress level that i starts to get such horrible mood swing and thoughts running so wild... ...

No matter what must make it to sec5... ...

2009-07-02T21:15:00.006+08:00

I really feel like giving up geog man!The homework dont know how to do then dont know where my stes of notes went.could not find them in e geog file despite knowing that they are somewhere in e file but dont know where... ... T_T Do till very fruastrated!!!!!aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol i vending out e fruastrations here... ...

T_T later still have to go and complete my el homework before im chased out of classroom by teacher tmr.... ....very reluctant to do......

then after that gotta check my maths tys stuffs.....

from Joanne's blog :
NIKKI if you come across this post. I’ll like to share something that my teacher wrote to me back in 2005 to help me cope with my studies.

“Don’t quit when the tide is the lowest, for it’s just about to turn;

don’t quit over doubts and questions, for there’s something you may learn.

don’t quit when the night is the darkest, for its just awhile till dawn;

don’t quit when you’ve run the farthest, for the race is almost won.

don’t quit when the hill is steepest, for you goal is almost nigh;

don’t quit, for you’re not a failure, until you fail to try. “

Morale of the story, DON’T QUIT~

Thanks Joanne xD

Thanks for e motivation =p

They sort of melted my heart...or rather,they have already melted my heart =)

I did not expect e H1N1 to hit our school so fast.Today in school found out that one person from sec3E got it then e whole class and e teachers have to undergo quarantine... ...
Hope everyone are fine and the school wont close.If the school really close then we will missed our lessons... ...

I dont know how true is this... ...overherd other people's conversation and i catched this line...
"... ... om ng have e symtoms... ..."
omg,a few days ago he was shouting when we were having relive lesson in e canteen then e saliva all over....hope wont kena H1N1.If not all e class there including me myself,might kena... ...

Looking forward to 12 july...beautiful sunday concert.haha ^.~

lol must get back to work soon... ...

Searching... ...

2009-07-01T20:40:00.004+08:00

It has been 7 days since i put on e brace on my teeth on e upper jaw.Finally it dont really hurt so much now.I can now slowly resume my normal diet,but just that i cannot eat foods that are very hard.lol

today got e confirmation slip for N level and O level emaths.Then Madam Suhailah told us e number of days to e start of our exam.next week thursday is my N level oral exam T_T
hope i wont be affected by e brace... ...

Today i began to feel more stressed up then I usually was... ...
Time really flies.Soon it will be e N level and O level emaths... ...
Hope i can pass with good grades... ....
This time is really i make it or I break it :/

I dont know why,I seems to have so little or rather no confidence at all in doing well for e exam -.-

now i am still searching for my source of motivation and confidence... ....
hope i can find them soon... ...

2009-06-27T21:59:00.004+08:00

have yet to really get use to e brace on my teeth...lol...
today ate porridge for e whole day...T_T

just now went to ntuc with my mom...bought e soft toothbrush,listerine,a packet of potato and some toufu...haha dont need to eat porridge every single day liao ^.~ can make mash potato haha...
tmr going ntuc again with my mom to fill up e fridge with some stuffs...hmm shall see what else i can get to add to e variety of food for myself.haha =)

not intending to sleep early tonight...lol

school's reopening soon....i realised during e holiday i ate quite a lot of things during e holiday,hope i wont gain too much weight.i dont wanna go into f&f club... ...

T_T geog and el hw have not finish...hope first day of school dont have geog and el T_T

2009-06-26T21:56:00.005+08:00

today went to put e metal brace on my teeth on my upper jaws.it dont really hurts when e brace is just put on,but as time goes by it will starts to ache.it will last for about 2 weeks...today when Dr Woo puts e brackets onto my teeth,i did not realise it.i only came to know as she did something to it.
then they told me that i am entitled to change e colour of my brace once every month.for starting now i choose purple colour.there are 4 metal rings on 4 of my tooth.

lol tedious work when it comes to brushing my teeth...no choice must get use to it... ...

for e next 2 week i gotta eat soft stuffs like poriddge and school canteen does not sell poriddge! T_T

Dr Woo says after my teeth dont ache,i can resume my normal diet.however when if i am eat foods like apple or guava,i have to cut them into small pieces.then if i eat chicken,i have to shed them...
wa like eating baby food like that lor...lol

hope e ache will go away soon...

tmr must ensure that all my holiday assignment are complete... ...

searching

2009-06-22T22:23:00.004+08:00

I dont know why...
I seems to have lost the motivation to study...
when I study,everything seems to be bland...
I felt so bored as i study...
today only did some ss homework,which i was stonning as i do...
in e end spent 2hours+ and did not manage to complete the whole ss homework T_T

hope i will find my source of motivation soon... ...

i must finish maths,ss and at least half of geog homework tmr

i feel a bit happy today as my teeth does not hurt that much although it is still a little painful... ...

2009-06-21T20:25:00.005+08:00

on sat i went for my dental appointment at The Dental Studio to put e rubber thingy in between my teeth.There's 8 rubber in between my teeth,4 in e lower jaw and 4 on e upper jaw.starting when it was being put in,it was still alright.However as time goes by,it starts to aches.At night,it hurts so much that i could not get to sleep.i was tossing around in bed till dont know what time then i fell asleep.

When i woke up this morning,it hurts so much that i went to e freezer to get ice to numb e pain...it also hurts when i brush my teeth...

although i was able to eat rice today,i did not really chew.together with e gravy i just swallow.Even though i did that,e speed of me eating was greatly reduced.wa first time eat so slow lor...i can only use e teeth at e front to eat and chew,i cant use e teeth at e back at all.The minutes i use e teeth at e back to chew,it hurts alot....

wa found my savior man.Today found a type of tea at ntuc that can reduce my pain... ...

i gusses i can only eat porridge tmr...lol

now,i just hope that e pain will go away soon T_T

2009-06-17T12:11:00.006+08:00

on monday went to nyp for nypco music camp....
after we reached there we were touring around nyp.
after lunch we were practicing inside e lecture theatre.Jane,Jinli and i were chosen to perform ' longtenghuyue' for e concert.when we went for e combined practice 'longtenghuyue' at e auditorium,omg.its so fast.then we had to adapt to it.as we were adapting to it we made quite a fair bit of mistakes.lol...

after combined practice we were supposed to follow e bus back to mf.but as Jane and i were rather stresssed and worried about e 'gu du..' performance for e next day,with Joanne's help,we stayed behind to practice.thank you Joanne.thanks a lot for your help and your faith in us :D

through e practice,i found back e feeling for e 'gudu..' solo parts....
i think Jane also found back e feeling for her solo parts as well.
although we found our feeling for our solo parts,we did not have much confidence.
e only thing we could do was to do our very best for e performance.

e very next day was e performance.'gudu...' was e first item....
then during our sectional performance,Jane,Jinli and me,our dimo were so lose that we could not play.we could only play by ear,act as if we were playing...then after that dont know why after that,Koen was angry and dont wanna perform 'longtenghuyue'....
just before performing 'longtenghuyue' as we were getting back our dizi from Joanne,we realised Jane's dizi was missing.luckily Joanne have a spare dizi to lend Jane for 'longtenghuyue'.
after that then realised someone took it by mistake i think...lol

on monday and tuesday,i did not touch my homework due to e nypco camp.later must go and study and do e homework....haha....

tmr there will be a shoots with e elective module trainer at e amk park with mac at 9am....we are free to invite ppl who are interested and keen to learn photography to come along with us.haha.i have invited Joanne and Jane...now waiting for their reply :) hope they can make it :)

i am also waiting for e guys from elective module to reply me if they can make it...lol

2009-06-14T18:29:00.002+08:00

on friday i went to school and reached around 0750... ...
very little ppl came to get ms tang's help in e morning....
only myself, justin,jiajun,nicholas,zhixin & huiyu... ...
then ms tang treated everyone dark chocolate:) thanks you ms tang!

on sat morning i went for dental @ paragon @ The Dental Studio...
did e mould and e x-ray of my teeth.....
when i am doing e mould,it is sort of like a plasticine in your mouth T_T
then e x-ray of my teeth was fine just that Dr Woo discovered that i had only 3 wisdom tooth instead of 4 wisdom tooth.by right a person should have 2 wisdom tooth on each side.but i have 1 on my left and 2 on my right.lol
starting have to put something like a elastic band for a week before i put on e metal brace.actually my teeth are ready for that,however due to e nypco music camp performance i can only put it after that.and for my convenient,i shall go on next week sat to put e elastic band then e following week then put e metal braces... ...

on sat 7pm,i went for acupuncture treatment for my spine and stiff & aching muscles...
now still a bit pain... ...

today went to chengSanCC with jeannie,zhiqi,elieen,jiahui and jane to practice for nypco music camp performance...
lol jane overslept and only reached around 12+,then we were walking along e shelter to mrt then jane told me she woke up at 8+ then switched off her alarm clock and cotinued sleeping.in e end she slept till 11+ T_T
today hls went though 'Cannon in D' with us.
after hls left,juniors practice 'cannon in D' on their own then jane and i practice 'gu du feng qing' solo part....after that we practiced a bit of 'long teng hu yue'....
after practice had lunch with them at e ChengSanCC cafe named ' Menu Cafe'.
jane,elieen,jeannie and i had bake rice,jiahui had chicken cutlet,zhiqi had chicken chop...we did not order and side orders as jane and i were helping elieen and jeannie to finish e food.lol their appetite is really small lor.especially elieen.she ate less than half plate of rice...
after lunch everyone went home.they accompany jane take mrt and i walked home of course :) haha...

ppl,jiayou for nypco musci camp :)

co

2009-06-10T17:20:00.002+08:00

wth!e music camp performance included cannon in d!!!e song we did not touch for more than a year!?!?!?!?!

then if i am not wrong,longtenghuyue also!omg.
then plus e syf choice piece,did not touch for more that a month.....

i have no confidence in playing well for this performance man!then e only practice can get is this coming sun at chengSan CC T_T

2009-06-10T16:24:00.002+08:00

yesterday i was in school till around 630....
after lunch i was studying at e bench outside e hall,waiting for ms tang to finish her stuffs then come and help me....
as i was waiting,i was doing amaths tys.do till i did not realise e time was already 5+,wondering why ms tang have not come out to help me... ...
then i went to call ms tang then she came out to help me...she 's so busy that she almost forgotten about me.... ...

i realised very often,after seeking ms tang's help,e advise she gave me really enlightens me.
yesterday ms tang told me,instead of keep telling myself what i have not done,what i must do,going on and on doing questions.which i agree thats what i have been doing to push myself.
i have to tell/ask myself what i have done,what i have covered today,be happy and proud that i have covered those things.
after that i will not feel so drain out and de-moralised :)

when i am at loss,she sort of became my directions :)

i also realised something....
before i ask questions,i have to ask myself these:
a) is it i dont know or i forget?
b)did i check my answers linked to e questions i asking to see if they are correct?
c)did i compare my answers with e solutions given in tys?
d)do i understand e solutions in tys?

today went to invite ms tang and madam suhailah to e nyp music camp performance...
too bad for ms tang,she cant go as she's going to bangkok.madam suhailah will confirm with me tmr...she's gonna ask her hubby about it...i wonder if her hubby is going along :)
now thinking which other teachers to invite....lol....

got to go and study le.
bye ppl =)

2009-06-07T19:47:00.002+08:00

just realised something......
i had been slacking for e past few days till now....
omg.....did not really study T_T
tmr must wake up earlier to study before supp lesson ... .....

i think i have slacked and starting to procastinate i think... ...haizzz.....

2009-06-01T11:28:00.016+08:00

on friday went out with pl and jane...
we went to vivo city...
that was my 3rd or 4th visit to vivo...lol
when we reached vivio then we changed out of our school uniform and went shopping....
then jane forgotten to bring clothes to change then she was in school uniform through out..lol
after that we went to e cinema to see if we could catch any movie..but e time for e movie was rather late...so we decided not to watch.....at that time it was already 4+ close to 5...so we went to continued shopping.at 5+ we decided to go for dinner...we had our dinner at sushi teh...it super funny lor,we took very long to order..just for e drinks only,e waiter asked us for at least 4 times then we place our order for drinks...then after that we add up e total amount of money we have before ordering our food.lol...we afraid we order more than we could afford...then we add up e price of each dish we wanted to eat...luckily after adding gst and service charge we still could afford..lol
e total bill was $49.90.after that i bought something from e sushi teh shop...then we went to e balcony or whatever you call that,we took many photos there...we were there till 8+...
e ambience there was so fantastic....
it was so relaxed,e care free type of feeling,e feeling of no burdens..lol
after that we went to daiso...as we left very little money,i could only buy 2 things...i bought home e soba and soya sauce to try....

did not expect jane and pl to buy e individual markers and some other stuffs as my birthday present...thanks alot...best friends ever.love you all...

on sat i went to school for e meet e parents session... ...
then after e talk by e principal i waited for my mom to reach school...
mean time did some amaths...then helped my electice module trainer,mr seah,to retrive e stuffs he left behind... ...then went into ms tang classroom a while,with e intension of hopping to be able to ask her some stuffs,but too bad for me.soon after i went in,a student and her mom went in...then i went to e back of e classroom to cool myself down a bit as e weather was very warm....then i wanted to take out some amaths stuffs to do....but after that ms tang asked me to leave... ...so i left and went o e benches out side e hall and wait...wait for my mom,ms tang and madam suhailah....too bad,after e meet e parents session i could not find ms tang..so i went home after that... ...

on tues gotta go for my dental appointment...after that might go to marine parade to collect my custom made insole......but if ms tang blocks e slots for e f&n period then i must rush back to school.... ...

2009-05-28T21:17:00.004+08:00

time really flies...
it has been more than a month after syf... ...
then today e judges reports for syf was being read to us...
one of it was not really good but e rest was alright.
one of e judges wrote that he felt as if he was at a co concert.He was touched by our performance.

today announced co new committees...

LiWen was guanyue new sl.
then chairperson is YeeOon,
1st vice chair is keli,
2nd vice chair is Royston.
i believed the new committees will be able to do a good job......

then today zls told us that we got a performance at nyp on e 3rd week of june,15/6 & 16/6.its a bit like exchange programme...
e songs we gonna perform is our syf choice piece,"古都风情" and another song would be "龙腾虎跃" which is very fun to play...omg e juniors dont know how to play this yet......omg...i thought can put all my focus on my studies le,but now... ....
e first 2 week of june we dont have time to practice de lor coz of e supplementry lessons.then it's like going for a performance unprepared T_T
i gusses e only time for us to practice is on sun at cscc.

then after that we have another invited performance at e concert for e singapore lawyers and judges...if i am not wrong,its at july....

i am really in a hot soup.....prelims coming...then after that N level and Omaths...
i always seems to be having a race with e time....time is always never seems to be enough for me... ...

mye

2009-05-25T17:38:00.003+08:00

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!i am really in e hot soup this time!!!I failed my mye!!!!!!I FAILED!!!!!!I GOT 49 FOR MYE OVERALL!!!!!!

When i came to know that i failed mye overall with e score of 49,i was stunned.the stress in me increased...i did not expect myself to fail so badly....my results are simply atrocious!!!!!!

now i can only pray that i dont get into e panel...i dont want to get onto e panel T_T

BESIDES THAT,NOW,I MUST WORK EVEN HARDER!!!

now i dont have much confidence,dont have that confidence to go sec5 which i wanted!!!dont have that confidence to do well!!!or rather,now,you can say that my confidence is as good as ZERO!!!NOTHING!!!!!!

today passed e letter which i wrote about my thoughts and feelings to ms tang...i wonder what's her reactions after reading it...... .......

2009-05-23T23:10:00.004+08:00

today i was literally slacking e whole day man.
just dont feel like studying...
but tmr must study no matter what,must complete at least e next 2 papers in tys for both amaths and emaths...
i was sort of facing e com all day long...
at e thought of it i feel a bit bad also,coz whole day did not even touch my books...haiz...
tmr must wake up earlier to study...

times really flies...if i am not wrong,this thurs announcing co new committees,we stepping down in a blink of e eyes.
haha.but i wonder how lfe will be without co...
too used with life with co...sometimes without co,life is so boring...
getting e schedule for june supp soon....they call it what "camp success"...lol...

Reflections... ....

2009-05-22T22:48:00.009+08:00

over e past few days till now,i have reflected a lot...on what i did before and after e exam,on what happened before and after e exam... ...
some questions which i really thought for a very long time,more than a day... ...
the question is,"what is it that really makes me so stress?"
3 ppl asked em this question before...pl,ms tang & my mom... ...
i thought really hard about it....
and now my answer is that,
i am afraid i am unable to meet e requirements to go sec5 and higher educations,
resulting in me myself,unable to achieve my ambitions/dreams,unable to achieve what i wanted.i dont want to go to ite,i want to go to poly.and i am aware that if i dont meet e requirements,i cant go...

my ambitions/dreams is to be a professional dizi player and camp coach/facilitator.

For dizi is purely out of my passion and love and e great sense of satisfaction i get.

as for camp facilitator/coach,i find that it is very meaningful.coz at e end of e camp,you can see e difference in e campers,e growth in them.just this alone already gave me a great sense of satisfaction,and which i feel that it is very meaningful.and after that i will feel very happy and feel successful as facilitator.all these are from my own experience,have facilitated 2 camp,1 in sec1,and 1 in sec3.e camp is not any school camp.its a children dharma camp,at Sagaramudra Buddist Society.although through e process of it i may lose my voice,but it worth it seeing e growth in them.

another questions i have ben thinking about it till now,"how to turn/change e stress into confidence"i tried that with myself in co for preparation for syf and i managed to eventually,and now i just dont know why i am unable to do it... ...

up till now,i still can feel e stress....with such lousy results T_T

ms tang is in a bad shape today....
she is very tired....
she looked so tired and a bit pale...
i started to look back and think...
i realised that i had been seeing her almost everyday during e exam period(e 2nd week of exam),before and after e papers, and e whole of this week after school,just to solve and understand some stuffs!
i started to ask myself if that's because of what i had done....
and i really wondered if it's really because of me....
seeing ms tang like that,i really feel very bad about it...
i dont want teacher to overwork and fall sick or something happen to them just because of me...
i have such an excellent teacher what's more can i ask for???
hope she wont fall sick over e weekends and hope that she can get a good rest over e weekends...

dont really know why,unable to send any emails to her...
i wondered if it's coz i always go find her till she needs a breather then... ...

mye

2009-05-21T19:42:00.003+08:00

i flunked my mye!!! T_T
i got e following results...

Chinese(63 %)-Paper 3 : 14/20
-Paper 2 : 37/60
-Paper 1 : 43.5/70

English(62 1/7 %)-Paper 1 : 42/60
-Paper 2 : 45/80

Amaths(45 5/7 %)-Paper 1 : 32/70
-Paper 2 : 32/70

Emaths(32 2/9%)-Paper 1 :25/100
-Paper 2 : 33/80

Combined science(52 % ) :
Physics : 23/50

Chemistry : 29/50

Humanities(30 %):
Social Studies : 12/50

Geography : 18/50

when i received my papers back,i am very upset.the results are terrible!i did not expect myself to fail till so badly!after which i realised for amaths,its my carelessness & stress that killed me!
fr physics and chemistry its e carelessness which killed me!i never expected to get a higher marks for geog than ss.coz i always did not manage to pass geog compared to ss.but now,i got a higher marks for geog than ss!e last paper that i got back was geog.when i received it i am so upset that i really felt like crying.but i held back and told myself that nothing can be done to change e current results.however i am very stressed.e prelims for ss is at e end of july,then prelims for others is august.really no much time left.at most is 2+months only.i thought for quite a long time if should i give up humanities and concentrate on other subjects.coz to go to sec5,i must pass english,maths and best 3 subject,which i think i it will be combined science(phy & chem),amaths & chinese.before mye i already have e thoughts of giving up geog,but i persevered on till now......however after thinking for a long time i still cant think of an answer.then when ms tang came to coach me,i told her about it and she thinks that i should not give up humanities now.coz next year will still need to take it at O.unless i failed e prelims then i can give up.coz by that time will have not enough time... ...and she say she not sure if can cover all e topics for emaths for revision before that....but i hope can finish all e revision before that... ...now atill feeling rather stressed... ...

e 1st,2nd & 4th week of june need to go back school...except for e 3rd week.but dont knw e actual schedule yet... ...
at e 1st week of term3,there's geo test on rivers,coast & development...

then today,its so annoying can!!!we alwasy used e level3 spare room for emaths period.and today we got chased out!!!just coz of e ppl taking O m have intensive programme(4periods!)!!!e teacher also dont know why!our emaths is only one period leh,cant even let us use it for that one period!!!WTH la!!!!both 4f & 4g having n maths how to go back to our class for emaths?!?they have 4periods leh!!!then e spare room at level4 was locked.ms tang went to get her own class 3i classroom key but hor,dont know why,2day only also want to lock till like that,then we cant use it.coz e seconf lock cant opened!we had no where to go for lesson!!!we were sitting at e benches at ground level trying to study.but no facilities how to do that?!?!?!then dont know what happened to ms tang laptop,hopefully its due to low battery instead of spoil...then we could not do much things!1period wasted!!!moviing here and there!!!!!!that 1period we wanted to thru e exam scripts!!!it is wasted just like that!!!!!!ms tang did not want to blow e matter up coz she dont wanna make things diffcult for ms tay.then t.k. and l.j. went to complained to a number of ppl...dm,om,mr prem and some others....for now i just hope that this kind of things will no happen again T_T

actually now i should not be blogging,coz i can concentrate on my work due to my the things mentioned above......but i know that life still needs to go on...i just wanna blog and let it be off my mind so that i can concentrate on my work.must get back to my work soon and complete at least emaths tys nov 1997 paper2.after that try to complete amaths tys 1998... ...

2009-05-17T01:46:00.002+08:00

i think it's because of exam that made em become very active in my study...
even though yesterday was e last paper...
after i reached home,i still have that urge/motivation to study...
but eventually did not study as i wanted to have a good rest,or rather a good sleep as i only slept 4-5 hours during e exam period as mentioned in my previous post...
then today,dont know why,lost all e urge/motivation to study.......
i told myself:"it's not over yet.there's still n level prelims,o maths prelims,n level,o maths... ...n level prelims is starting in 11aug,o maths prelims & n level in sep,o maths in oct......must complete tys before e prelims,which is like about 2months left.no matter what,must get myself started"... ...T_T

time really flies... ....just realised that it's already 2am in e morning... ...gtg...bye ppl...

mye

2009-05-15T13:24:00.003+08:00

i think i am going to fail emaths...dont know why he set e paper till so hard T_T
hope can pass for e rest of e papers...especially amaths.
i dont want to fail both amaths & emaths....i should be able to pass amaths :P

since young,i am not good with maths.but i still chosen to take amaths,because i believed i can do it.

thanks alot to ms tang.Despite being so busy,tied down by so many things she still spend time with me and coach me whenever i have questions.i seriously appreciated her help...i am sorry that she had to go in and out of e staff room just to coach me...but she does not mind at all.besides all these,when i have questions before e papers,she will coach me in e morning before e papers.

some ppl say she is not a good teacher coz they dont know what she's doing...
some ppl say she is very nice...
some ppl say she is organized...
some ppl say she is overly neat & organized.

to me,she is an excellent teacher...
i have no idea how i am going to cope with amaths & emaths & some other stuffs without her help...

i will say that different teaching technic suit different ppl... ...

some times words from teachers really inspires and enlightens me.very often,those words are from ms tang & mrs ess.those words also made me really think.more often than not,those words enlightens me more than inspire me.

shall continue to work hard.dont want to dissapoint e teachers...

looking forward to getting back e results....
shall have a short break,through e exam period,i slept at most 4-5 hours a day.other than that,i study with little or no break... ....

hoping to be able to complete e t.y.s. before prelims,better still,before ct2.lol....

ppl who are reading my blog can you all kindly tag me after reading?like that at least i know who's been reading my blog.thanks.

going to have a good sleep :)
bye ppl.

mye

2009-05-08T14:06:00.002+08:00

time really flies...mye already started...stressed T-T
then very what lor,when i am attempting e papers keep sweating non stop.after i finish doing then stop sweating....
then on tues night i was so stressed about e amaths paper1 on wed.on wed before e paper, i still rather stressed.not long after we started e amaths paper,ms tang came and told e invigilator where she will be so that in case any questions can go find her.
when i saw her at that point of time,i am not that stressed anymore.she like become my sedative.after that i got some confident and completed that paper rather smoothly without feeling as stressed as tues night.and i rmb that there's one question i attempted 2 times due to a stupid careless mistake which i discovered in hecters method.from that question onwards for that paper,when i found e answers for other questions,i feel a bit of sense of achivement.the feeling which i never had before in my studies,especially maths.haha.

yesterday mr lim gave us back our class test and i failed.yesterday he ask us to join g class for supp immediately after school.but he gave us e choice of going or not going....i knew i failed e test is coz i did not study...that's why i did not join g class for supp....and intially,there was amaths supp,but g class have chem supp.as a result it was cancelled.however i still did not go for e chem supp.coz i feel that i will be fine as long as i go home and study... ...

actually wanted to stay back in school to ask ms tang abt some stuffs,too bad she's not free.looks like can only ask her on tues after e papers & physics supp(dont know what time)...lol...

tmr's vesak day,wish everyone a happy vesak day,may everyone be blessed.

this weekend is a long weekend.due to sat vesak day,mon become a school holiday(not public holiday) for us.must spend this long weekend to prepare for tues exam-lots of things to rmb for exam(except for cl).

tues: geography,chemistry,cl paper3
wed: emaths paper1
thu: emaths paper2
fri: amaths paper2... ...

hopefully can pass with good results.hopefully can get at least b... ...i dont wanna dissappoint e teachers... ...

syf

2009-04-25T21:22:00.005+08:00

to me,dont know why,feel better after zls told us.....
now in e music circles,e hot topic is abt mfco...
everyone is talking abt mfco... ...
alot of ppl 为我们感到不置。。。　。。。
then mfco instructors and some other ppl went up to zls and ask if want to 'appeal'...
lol...this one how to appeal???haha
now everybody rmb us as a g.w.h. standard but with a gold award... ...
as least ppl rmb us..not like we get g.w.h. then ppl think it natural/ 理所当然。

after hearing what zls say,i feel sort of 欣慰/安慰。。。　。。。

then zls say we have to be strict to juniors,coz they very slack... ...
thats what i feel also..somemore gy sec1s so rebellious and playful... ...
no matter what,must make gy into very good condition before we step down...
if not i will worry abt them even after i step down... ...

now,nothing can be done to change e results...
it had already became a fact...
a fact which no one is able to change...
now e only thing we can do is to do our best in guiding the juniors... ...
i had already put all my hopes in e juniors who are going for e next syf to get g.w.h.
i really hope that they can get back the g.w.h.
a g.w.h. that really belongs to mfco... ...

now is only e 5 judges who dont recognise our g.w.h. standard...
i believe at least 1/4-1/2 of e ppl in e music circles recognised our g.w.h. standard... ...

jiayou ppl for e upcoming mid year exam...
and of course e next syf :P

feel really fortunate to have that group great seniors :P

syf

2009-04-21T20:33:00.005+08:00

we got gold instead of gold with honour for syf....
to me,it;s a very very big regret.
e process & outcome matters to me!
it means a lot to me...
it's my last syf......
very sad......
i even skiped e cl oral just to go for mon's practice to make e final preparations for syf....
if teachers dont let me retake and wanna give me a 0,i wont blame them,coz it's i skiped.
it's like,all our hard work & effort never pay off!
i just dont understand why,
what's more there's a number of ppl in sco who dont teach mfco says that mfco have e standard of gold with honour!
they are not pple who have little understanding of co and music...they are professionals!
and yet!we dont get it!
i thought for a very long time,exactly what is lacking in us,
and i could not really think of many.
e only thing which is not perfect i can think of is such that e suona parts for "gudu..." was blown by dizi...but for this we have no choice!
really hope that someone can tell us what's really lacking in us...

even though tmr have el oral,mid year exam is coming,i dont have any mood to study.
even if i go study now,nothing will go in...

as for now,i dont care so much le,cant be borthered with e study for now... ...as for e homework that i owed teachers,will clear them soon.. ...

2009-04-11T20:31:00.002+08:00

time flies really quickly....
in a blink of eyes... ...
9 days to syf(21/4) excluding today & syf day... ...

i dont know why...
as e days get closer to syf,i gets more stressed up... ...
then plus e pressures/ stress from study...
from some subject teachers,especially chem & geog... ...
i keep listening to music to try to dis-stress... ...

i know i am not e only one who is tired and stressed...
there are many others who are also stressed and tired.. ...
especially sec4 i think,e most busy out of all students... ...
at e edge of breaking down... ...

jiayou everyone!

syf

2009-04-03T18:36:00.005+08:00

In the beginning of e year,i dont have e confidence in maintaining our gold,in my solo....
some how,felt that we have not reached there yet.
however i knew that no matter what,maintaining a gold is a must.it is definitely a must.
now i am confident in maintaining e gold,working towards gold with honour.
i have e faith and confidence in co that we can do it.
as what zls always say,
the sky is the limits.whatever it is,there is definitely rooms for improvements for everything.
if we still can improve further and time allows it,why not?

a quote from e our sec3 camp,"say no to e good and yes to e best!"

during this period,for sure we will improve as much as we can....

some how i think i had started to neglect my study...
coz owning teachers works...not prepared for tests...
but then my whole heart is at co,syf...
i guesses only after syf then i can really prepare for exams....

looking froward to syf-21st April... ...
but e sad thing is that after that we are stepping down T_T

17 days to syf(21st April) excluding today and syf day :)

really hope that we can get a gold with honour...
hoped that can help co to scale greater heights through this coming syf... ...

jiayou everyone!i am sure will are able to do it!
e power of believe!
e destiny of co lies in our hands... ...

tmr we will be at singapore conference hall.
everyone,lets take it as syf.
jiayou ppl!

2009-03-21T18:53:00.006+08:00

T_T
today's co exchange programme at RI was terrible...

i thought we have sectionals then combined...it's not... ...
it's like just go there perform...
we flunked it... ...

now left exactly 1month to syf!1 month!
and this still happens!

e other sections are there already...left gy... ...
now,gy like become e key to success in syf like that...
within this 1 month,gy must work extremely hard.

zls says:

我们能不能成功就靠你们（管乐）了。。。　。。。

he also tells us 4x2 words:
*一次到位
*精神面貌

he also told us that we must work hard within this 1month...

within this period of time,must work very very very very hard... ....
must not slack... ...
must give juniors both encouragement and push... ...
must not disappoint zls... ...

jiayou everybody!!!
we can do it!!!

tmr taking e swimming distance test,1km(20 lap @ yck swimming complex)...hopefully i can pass... ...

beautiful memories

2009-03-20T17:21:00.006+08:00

missed e times spent with guanyue 06 & 07... ...
e song entitled "first love" brings back many memories... ...

really hopes that we can meet up soon ... ...

2009-03-15T20:29:00.006+08:00

lol,so long did not swim with e pyjamas le,somemore long slevees then sat during e swimming lesson when i wear it and swim ver wierd leh...then coz of e pyjamas it reduced my speed...lol..then my timing for 2lap was 3min & 4oplus seconds...lol...
coach Isac wants me to take e endurance test and silver award test...
i dont think i want to take these test...coz e endurance test is at e end of march,e silver test is at may... ...
e endurance test,i am given e choice of swimming 1km(20laps at yck swimming complex) or 3 km(60laps at yck swimming complex) continuously...end of e month...how to train for that?still have co practice,no time to train for that... ...then e silver also no time...coz after april-syf,gotta spend more time in studies,coz if i cant pass el and maths i cant go sec5... ...somemore i taking o level emaths plus n level... ...i join e class coz i want to learn all e different strokes and then wait till june when he starts e life saving course then i join e life saving course....that's what im more interested in... ...

today went to chengsan to practice...
wa...chengsan is so dead today lor...
so quiet,like secluded like that...lol
although chengsan was closed for revenovation for a period of time,i dont see much changes...
i think they just chenge e tiles on e floor,making a ramp...and a lift in e cc...

elena unable to go for practice coz she's sick...
get well soon :)

this march holiday is rather packed.... ...
co practice:
mon:1000-1230,1330-1700
tues:1000-1230,1300-1700(exchange programme with nyp{nyp to mf})
thurs:1000-1230,1330-1700
sat:0730-1400(exchange at RI)

remedial/supplementry lessons:
chenistry:thurs 0800-1000
maths:1000

sun:make up swimming lesson for sat... ...hope coach Isac will rmb to bring my card and pool bouy...lol he forgot to bring for 3 times le...T_T

2009-03-06T22:03:00.002+08:00

i had thought thoroughly about what happened in co,guanyue performance......
we are now e worst sections among all e sections... ...zls also told us that... ..

不管是音准、节奏感、音色或者是其他的东西都比管乐好。。。　。。。

our attendance sucks too...gy is in a very terrible shape now... ...
i dont do things without a purpose/meaning/reason!!!
i dont enjoy scolding and punishing ppl!!!
when they get punish they never think of why i punish them!!!
they only think of me being unreasonable,punishing them for nothing!!!
never think of what exactly have they done!!!
when its time for practice they still fool around,chit chatting,doing other irrelevant things despite my reminders!!!
still dont sit e proper posture when blowing dizi despite my numerous reminders,warnings scoldings & punishments!!!!!!
during practice still play with mobile,read magazines,do homework,complained alot of homework,did they ever spare a thought for sec4s seniors?!?!?!!!!

due to some reasons e punishment was postponed to do pt then everybody do tgt.but they simply ignored me,dont care about me when one of them looked at me for a moment whome got my msg and carry on running.after that i walked out of e room and stand right in e middle of e corrider to stop them.they just ran past me.after they ran past me i shouted at to ask them to stop,they simply ignored me!!!WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!!!!!!!!SIMPLY IGNORING MY EXSISTENCE!!!!after that they simply ignored whatever i tell them!
在他们眼里到底有没有我这个SENIOR?!?!?!!!!!!!!OR TO THEM I DONT EVEN EXSIST!?!?!?!!!!!

then as for e sec1s,
sec1 only so rebellious & playful!!!
then sec2 very playful!!!
sec3s,some of them come & go as and when they like!what do they take co as?hotels?!?!no way!!!
i dare to say,if these carries on,gy will collapse after we step down less than 3months!!!
somemore we dont have much practices left to syf and they still like that!?!?!?!!!!!!

我已经对中３的绝望了。
all my hopes are e sec2s & sec1s.however,must discipline them first!
if we still dont start to discipline them,it will bw too late!!!
by e time gy really collapsed,our efforts,our alumni's efforts in building up e orchestra will go down e drain!!!i will never ever allow that to happen!!!if david knows about it,he will feel very sad and dissapointed with us for sure!!!

i am extremly pissed off by all these things!!!!!!!!
i really feels that i failed terribly as a senior!!!!!!!!
NO MATTER WHAT,MUST START ENFORCING DISCIPLINE NOW!!!!!!FROM NOW ONWARDS I WILL NOT GIVE IN ANYMORE!!!!!!NEVER!!!!!!

2009-02-27T23:51:00.006+08:00

seriously.i think our section really lack of discipline and initiatives lor!
what time already still keep on running about,playing a fool,chit chatting.then alot of times when blow dizi dont want sit properly!what is this man!?!?already sec2 leh,not sec1 not just join co lor.
then practice half way then sms,play mobile games.worst still,caught one of them playing e game during one of e dazhu. our section really very bad lor...

must enforce discipline....if this carry on,i really cant imagine how will co/guanyue be when we step down....not only enforce discipline to e currently sec2,but e whole guanyue....i want e guanyue to be discipline and have e initiatives......hopefully can get it done before syf...no no no.its a must.

then tues dazhu,i really sucks lor.... ....i just dont understand and dont know why,its just happened so sudden,a very sudden lost of confident,a sudden lost of faith in myself for my solo part for e choice piece"gu du feng qing".i just dont know why...it just so sudden.....screwed up e solo part....
then zls .....i gussessed i had dissapointed him on tues.....lucky e dazhu on thurs i did not screw up... ...whew..... ....

today went for e 2nd swimming lesson with coach Isac....
after e lesson when i reached home,he called me.
he told me that e full life saving course supposing in June is being bought forward to this coming wed evening due to high demand... ...e course is $200 which includes exam fee,coach fee & equipments fee......

my mom dont seems to want to let me take e course early,worried that i cant cope....but i would love to give it a try.however must discuss with my mom first and i must think through about it... ...must come up with a decision before wed... ...

must jiayou le....
if not i will e in e hot soup T_T
3weeks to syf... ...jiayou ppl :)

lol..i cant help laughing at my bro's hair man hahahahahahahahahah...............................................
he went for a hair cut and dont know what happened and he came back with a mushroom head!!!
i cant stop laughing !!!!then when his hair dried after bathing,it become like a bang like that...lol....